MY ONE AND ONLY;

2010-03-22T23:14:00.002+08:00

i need to do my EOM. yes i have to.
but i'm still here. haha. idk why i like to procrastinate so much. like seriously, why??
i would go online ,with all the right intentions, and then just.. do other stuff instead.
ergh.
currently the exco or not thing and the another cca or not thing is SERIOUSLY bothering me.
idk what to do :(

THANK YOU,

2010-03-05T22:55:00.000+08:00

to everyone that made my seventeenth so awesome.
especially the HAW family and extended, really, xie xie!
it meant alot, all the cards.
and of course, mel and yikheng's gigantic princessy balloon.
many heads turned and stared at me!
i'm really, really happy.

the night before.

2010-03-04T22:40:00.002+08:00

1plus hour left.

today i had a major mood swing, idk why. entering womanhood or sth?
certain small stuff made me very upset, i know that you cant rush to have friends, but still.
why does it seem so much simpler for others then?
like i can't seem to fit in with everyone, like those jigsaw pieces that looks okay but when u try to squeeze it in there are still gaps that make it painfully obvious it aint the right piece after all.
what the crap. i shouldn't be emo-ing now.
must enjoy my last bit of sixteen-ness and all that right?
yet. you can't just will yourself to be happy.
so what do i do now?

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH.
75mins more now.

2010-03-03T23:02:00.002+08:00

Had A Level packing just now. It was tiring, but actually tons of fun(:
ended same time as sya too, so we went home together.
Friday, isn't going to turn out exactly the way I want it :P
We end at 12:45, the CT thing starts at 1;10, and I have no idea what time it'll end.
plus, i still have flag painting.
:S

oh well. i chose this, so no complaining. actually i'm complaining now, but that's different. this is the only place i can actually say out my thoughts. so it doesn't count as a complaint.

The weirdest thing of all this year? I don't have a wishlist.
either i'm too lazy to think of one, or i really have nothing that i want.
That's rare.

oh, and did you know? Syahirah and I have a crush on each other. Aww how sweet right?

2010-02-28T21:00:00.002+08:00

My head is literally throbbing right now, the kind of throb that makes me want to bash my head against the wall. I feel like cursing a whole string of swear words, which is really rare because anyone that knows me should know i don't curse.
And i can't even take a nap or anything because I still have a ton of work, including the stupid PI.
Crap. LIFE SUCKs.

RYPHON 8

2010-01-31T01:26:00.003+08:00

That's my orientation group name. i like it now. haha
My sub-group is ok. rather quiet i guess, but the ogls are good, and at least i have elizabeth with me. and peiyi.
Hmm. I submitted my subject combi just now.
Am not very sure if i really can pull off KI, but i think i should give it a shot..
ok i dont know what to say. Oh yes, dinner on friday was nice. They showed us how childish VJ guys could be, with the fries thing and chilliandice thing. haha.
Playing the mrt game and boomboomchucky and the name game in the dark sitting on prickly grass is actually rather enjoyable.
Heard monday's gonna have OGdinner at thaipan(:

On a side note, CCA auditions next week. I'm so scared for it.
I don't want to just throw myself back into my comfort zone.

2010-01-26T23:34:00.003+08:00

these few days i've been spending time with friends, doing things that i find is really meaningful and different, better than aimless shopping in malls (bcos i can't buy anything)

Wed : i went jiahui's house, tgt with caroline, and we did what primary school kids would do i guess, watching tv, surfing the Net, ordering and eating KFC, painting jiahui's nails and going through her stuff. We spent that day doing what would seem boring, but it was really nice. I know i have limited vocab right now, but there isn't really another word to describe it besides nice.

Thurs : met up with SEVEN for yh's birthday. we did the usual eat + watch movie + walk around thing, but it was still fun. cos it's been so long since we all sat down together to talk, i realise how sad i'll be when we drift apart.

Fri : went baking at caroline's house. the cupcakes were quite a flop, esp the 1st batch becoming crunchy chocolate crispies instead, haha. The process was fun, and that's what matters! Laughed a lot, ate alot, took alot of pictures and went home feeling.. happy.

Sat : met Melanie. we watched Jump, which was stupid, and it was my idea :P i hope we could continue to be friends in JC, but right now, idk.
later met sis and yoyo for dinner. haha i do miss my cousin, alot. shall see her again at cny, which is really soon, come to think of it.

Sun: met up with the section, finally. although samantha wasn't there ): we met at dhoby and ate kfc, something i'd forever associate with the section from now on. we changed our original plan to play pool. instead we went mindscafe, and it was fun.
emily is a ____? and we are full of _____? you gotta love us.

Mon: went baking again, same person(: sugar cookies were a success, and real nice. Baking is seriously stress therapy, although i'm not stressed right now.

the days are rushing by now.
tmr, posting results. the day after? reporting to your new school, where your future awaits.
I can't help but feel a lil excited. Hopefully, with new beginnings, i can change into a better person, and fruitfully make use of the supposedly best years of your life.

my handwriting does suck now. it's been 2months since i properly held a pen, and even longer since my handwriting was nice to look at.

2010-01-21T21:37:00.002+08:00

it's been a long time since Jan 13. in this 8 days, a lot of things have happened, but none big enough for me to spend time typing out.
in the end, i made my decision on thurs night.
i was very high at that point, and really glad.
it felt great, a total load of my back and finally a rest for my brain.
i guess for the rest of singapore, my choice would have been so obvious, so needless to say.
yes, i chose the choice that everyone would have chosen.
but i dont know if it was RIGHT.
i think, it's up to me to make it the right choice then.
and my final decision, the one that made me choose this instead of the other, was God i guess.
in my heart, i know, i don't deserve my results.
i worked hard, yes. but not that hard. it was never my aim, and if this was what i was to get, i felt, that was where He wanted me to go.

i still have twinges of regret, but i want to do this, now.
i want to go there and enjoy my experience.
you only get one chance, so no regrets.

this week i'm going out everyday. actually its everyday till orientation. my last, floaty wandering not sec 4 not j1 days are going to be spent fruitfully.

i think my posts lack smileys. here, one for you (:

no idea.

2010-01-13T18:46:00.002+08:00

actually, technically, that;s not true.
i have lots of ideas, lots of thoughts, all screaming: pick me! go here! i'm the right choice!
seriously, jc or poly? i have no idea.
my entire family is against poly, because:
1. if i can go jc, why not?
2. the poly i want is super far.
3. jc gives u a better uni chance.
4. the poly env is so diff from the cedar one.

yet. yet i really want to go poly. my heart is there.
it gives me a chance, to become someone that i know i cant be come in jc.
i want to have a good education, learning things that i like, having ccas that i like, enjoying my time there.
i don't want to learn things which i don't care about, choosing those slack or crap ccas, and making myself try to like the jc experience.
i don't understand, why no one understands.
i really want to make the right choice.
but what if, the choice i think is the right choice, isnt?

the night before.

2010-01-10T23:24:00.000+08:00

its 11+ now. i'm feeling.. nothing.
not too nervous, noo too scared, not too many stomach flips.
yes, anything can happen tomorrow. whether its tears of joy or sadness, i don't know yet.
tomorrow, i will collect my results, of the O levels, and then, off to a whole new world.
i feel so immature that it's scary to think that i'm sixteen already, have been through two parts of my education and should be embarking on the next.

where should i go? that's what been on my mind all this while. not what will i get, but where shall i go. sigh. i don't want to think about it anymore. years later i will look back and laugh at my silliness for worrying.

at least i'm going to wear my sch uni tmr!! i love the uniform. haha.
and i really want to see everybody.
last time as a level, last time as a class.

hopefully i'll be in a good mood tmr. hopefully there ain't too many tears.

31dec, 2009/ 01jan, 2010

2009-12-31T23:53:00.003+08:00

its 11:53 pm, 31 dec 2009
the last 7 minutes of the year.
what a thought.

2009 has been one of the fastest years ever. maybe its because of O's, and SYF(which now seems like eons ago), and the fact that we were to graduate from our secondary sch life forever.
looking back, i have a slight twinge of regret, like i didn't treasure the moments enough, and what if my sec sch friends turned out to be my friends for life and i lost the opportunity to be even closer such that when we met 15 years down the road we could say more than just the awkward " Hi, how are you?"
"I'm fine, thanks. You?"
which is always said to ease the tension and not for true meaning.

11:57 pm
3 more mins. those with fast clocks are probably writing out their sms of well wishes, hoping that the next year would be better. i think every year is the same. some have more drama, ups and downs, its true. but when you look back, it does not mean anything. every year blends in with those from the past, and those moments which you wanted to dig a hole and bury yourself seem insignificant and small, and you laugh for thinking that was the end of your life.

12:00 am, 2010
its midnight. usually an ordinary midnight, but supposedly this midnight is worth celebrating, since its the beginning of a new year. i always found countdowns ridiculous. why should this midnight be unlike any other? its 2010 now. so? i never want years to end. like everyday is slipping through your fingers, and there's nothing you can do to hold on to them. you can only watch them pass, and decide to be positive, and countdown to the next year, all the while knowing the days will slip past, just as before. people never really change.

12:03 am
well. i have no idea why my post became all philosophical and weird. it just became that way.
i don't make new year resolutions. whatever for? i know i could never keep to them.
you would never break what you never make.
just like if you had no hopes, you would never be disappointed.

12:05 am
bye 2009. it has left for a full 5mins. if i didn't have the clock, i would never have known. cos i don't feel different, at all. more than 10mins ago i was sitting here, typing. and now i'm sitting here, typing.
i remember last year's 31dec. or should i say, 2008's.
my family had all gone to bed, except my sis, who was out. i switched on the tv, watched the last 5mins, watched the countdown, and switched it off, and went back doing whatever i was doing.
yes yes, that's me, the abnormally calm and unhigh at supposedly necessary high moments.
now you know.

12:09 am
all that i experienced in the past one year, it feels like a dream. the kind that you wake up halfway and want to go back to it, but you never can.
i suppose i would miss 2009. is it possible to miss a year?
my prom is tmr, strictly speaking. i honest to goodness hope it's fun.
give or take 10days, i'll receive my results. another 10+ days, i'll know where i'll be for the next few years. my new life path. the time where all my friends really do get scattered. and if i go -, i'll reunite with some. idk. we shall see.
perhaps i don't like this new year because i don't know where i'll be going. perhaps in 2010's 31dec, i'll like 2011.
2011. looks so weird and alienish.

12:13 am
i'm done. i don't think i'll ever be the countdown type, unless its at TC.
have a wonderful year, everyone.

2009-12-23T22:51:00.002+08:00

christmas is coming.

i realise i have nothing to comment on the matter.
i'm not feeling the spirit, at all.

2009-12-17T23:23:00.003+08:00

AVATAR ROCKS(:
that's all i can say! my show starts in 7mins. haha
thanks J, for pei-ing me on short notice. although you were so late. but nvm. i know you had fun too.
i mean, you got your nail buffed for free!
and i bought nail polish. what a girly vainy thing to do.
i guess im girly and vainy then.

saw the tp ad during engwah comm. i REALLY don't know where to choose!!

bye~

2009-12-15T22:09:00.001+08:00

after updating my ipod, it says that it can't be synced, unknown error.
so i had to restore it to its original settings.
in other words, start over again as if it was brand new.
putting 800+ songs in is going to be .... .
sigh.

2009-12-15T16:25:00.003+08:00

recently i have been holing up in my room, using the comp, watching videos, and sleeping.
what a horrible, unhealthy lifestyle i'm leading.
on one hand, i can't wait for school to start, no matter where i'm going. i kind of miss the student lifestyle, of studying and sleeping late and being tired and having to wake up early and drag myself to school and being high on mondays.
yeah i miss that.

on the other hand, i'm really nervous about what the future holds for me. in my heart i know where i most want to go, but i also know that it would be hard for me to fit in. i'm worried about what to choose, and if i made a wrong decision that i'll regret for life.

i don't know what to do.

/edit.
i went eastpt to get some dingdongs, and met someone in a cedar garde tee.
yesyes THERESA, its you!
haha was really surprised to see you, and very happy. haven't seen your face since 13nov, which is a lifetime ago :/
plus, you all went out without me :S
so 不乖. tsktsk.
even though we talked for like, 1 min, it was great! i'll be waiting for you to 約me(:

2009-12-14T16:33:00.000+08:00

christmas season is in the air! december is really the fastest month ever, and 2009 flew by way too fast for my liking.
lots of friends are overseas now, making me bored bored bored.

just thinking about how this year started, how all the stress started to build up, how 4S changed, how I changed. and how we all had one goal, to end Os.

and now, in dec alr, it's been a month since we ended O levels, and its been so surreal.
right now, it was hard to believe that about a month ago, my focus was just studying mugging cramming for exams. and now i'm just.. existing. not really living. it's weird to think that i would see all the people i have grown familiar with, for 4 years, one last time, on results day.
that actually, secondary life had ended, without me really comprehending.
it seems so unceremonious. after the last paper, just walking out of the school gates.

maybe i'm just too sentimental for my own good.

anyway. it's christmas time, which means lots of shopping and splurging, i hope.
i'm in terrible lack of tops. and shoes, for that matter.
hope this christmas would be a good one.

2009-12-13T23:39:00.000+08:00

been going out every weekend with my parents. it's rather enjoyable actually, seeing that im probably in the minority group of teens, esp 16yearolds that would actually want to shop with their parents. and when i mean shop, it usually means i don't buy anything. just the action OF shopping.
don't really know why i'm even typing this. but anyway, i actually had a dream about blogging. that i was blogging about the christmas season. hmm wonder why.

last weekend, 6th Dec, went out with M at last.
as if to make up for everything. i think we did have fun, met at .. plaza sing for scrapbooking + daiso, hopped over to bugis for piano + neoprints + icecream.
missed taking nps for a while.
i have no pics, unfortunately.
then i went to raffles city to meet my parents, had dinner there, before going to orchard central to get my crumpler and shop there.
dhoby ghaut. bugis. city hall. somerset. 4 mrt stns in a day. wow.

btw, i love the WOW mv. the song not so much, but the dance.. HOT(:

2009-12-04T22:45:00.002+08:00

im so frustrated right now. so frustrated and so very upset. i dont even know how to tyrpe properly. why doesn't anyone understand me? i don't have the dong li to continue, i want to continue lessons, i want to learn more things. i hate to sit there and know that i wouldn't be able to play well. i know that im not good in it at all, that's why i want to learn more. but all you ever do is force me and scold me to practise, that you can tell that i have bad attitude. i don't. really. i stopped because i wasn't learning, there is no push, i dont want to have to struggle for 15mins just to get one line right. and if today, right this moment i practice, then doesnt it defeat the purpose, cause its like you forced me instead of me wanting to.
im really feeling so lousy and terrible right now. even my sister didnt understand. that shows that im the one at fault, does it?
and my two friends, please reply my sms.

2009-12-03T22:50:00.001+08:00

MONDAY - 2O outing!

the longawaited, well planned outing on 30th nov. decided even before Os ended. i'm glad that we could meet up, a nice group of 9 ppl! yy, steph and i arrived first, sat under the escalator and just chatted, really glad there wasn't any uncomfortable-ness. in the end we all ate at pizza hut and played dumb games. haha, ok they were dumb but fun. like.. i never and BOOMBOOM CHUCKY! my new favourite(:

joy joined us halfway and we went to play pool! cause i was so crazy about it and steph was a pro.
i think i did ok, considering i only had 1 time experience. it was fun, in a way.

to be able to sit around and talk, like we would talk everyday, was great. i really loved 2O, that we can even get 9 ppl to go out together despite not talking often for 2 years.

thankyou, steph char caroline yy jieshi joy amirah sya. and simin, who came for 10mins!

WEDNESDAY - Kimberley and Andrea!

yay! after .. 3 years? we finally meet again.
i can't believe that i didn't know how to get to cine. what was i thinking?!
anyway, in the end i was the latest (but not very late). we ate lunch together before watching my gf is a secret agent. that show was nice! Although i couldn't help thinking it might have been better if i watched with you instead.
after that we just walked and talked. sometimes that is the best thing, isn't it?
there was so much i didn't know about them, like what subjects they took and the CCAs they were in. but in the end, we could just talk, for over 1hr sitting at Heeren, that was a great feeling and not having to rely on our old memories.

xiexie, you two. i love ASK!

surprisingly, the only successful pic was taken by an! hee.

THURSDAY - KTVing with CHAR!

haha. we planned this two weeks in advance. and finally, we went kbox! after lunching at kfc.
tsktsk, although we both are so super knowledgeble about the Taiwan music scene, yet there was so many songs one knew that the other didn't.
you need to be more updated about the latest albums, and i need to go learn more about the 經典 songs!
i had a great time! 5+ hours is so not enough. i think we were highest when singing the duets, yes?

loveyou, loads and loads! btw, rainie's album will be out on 1/1, so we can go sing 雨愛 in Jan(:

我們一個像夏天一個像秋天卻縂能把冬天變成了春天！

2009-12-01T18:09:00.002+08:00

Wasn't it obvious that he was being so very annoying? Why couldn't he tell?
Did he really think that she needed someone like that, to follow her around, to give those seemingly witty answers to her increasingly annoyed questions? She would put an end to all this, once and for all. After all, she needed nobody. Nobody at all.
Then why haven't you ended it, hmm? Maybe you do like him around after all, whispered the tiny niggling voice in her head.
Well, maybe it wouldn't hurt to have someone around. Just to make things around here less boring... Yes, just for that. She pushed the little voice away, and commanded herself not to give any more thought on the matter, lest she changed her mind.

For as they say, love is fickle, and so is your mind, when you are entering the realm of love.

SLEEPOVER.

2009-11-29T17:06:00.003+08:00

well. i'm back from my sleepover.
it was fun, a quiet sort of fun i guess.
/sitting in the balcony, trying to play with the 13-in-1 games thing, laughing.
/and the long hours of talks, of jc life, of subjects, of everything that we could think of.
/playing my very first game of pool, i'm glad its with these people, having an enjoyable 2hrs in exchange for $4.80, i don't mind.
/learning german bridge, and poker. card games are lots of fun, really.
/discovering our superior isketch skills, and being downright mean to the other players.
/attempting to make sense of RISK, and playing our own way, ended up in me surrendering for the sake of my people, haha.
/lots and lots of junk food, delicious aglio olio and fried rice.
/and emily.

never had a sleepover like this. it's interesting, and yeah it was fun, although next time, lets have the normal kind, not the babysitter kind, yes?
the everybody, noisy, chalet, sleeping at 5am kind would be nice.

since i'm typing this on sunday, my anger has long ceased.
but really, on friday night, i was planning just exactly how i would compose this post to you.
you, who would apologize without knowing the reason, who doesn't see how that makes your apology fake, who believes that 'im sorry' can change everything.
seriously, a sleepover is not for you to use the com, to type away in your various msn conversations with your MANY MANY friends. you might as well just go home then.
you knew that i was alone, with nothing to do, and when i asked you to stop, you agreed, only to turn back the moment it rang again.
what, then, is the point of saying sorry?
it only makes things worse, doesn't it?
but whatever. obviously i can't do anything about it, for you are you, and will always be you.
no matter what others say, you don't change.
even if you knew i was mad, you still wouldn't do anything about it.

well. i'm not going to bear a grudge. i just needed to let it all out. and now i have.
there's a whole paragraph that i've already deleted.

OPEN HOUSE.

2009-11-28T15:30:00.001+08:00

its only when i went back do i realise i missed the Cedar building so much.
i miss taking 100, walking the long road in to school, having to avoid the flooded area when it rains, remembering the 'fear' when i was late for band and the side gate was not open and to your horror you see them assembling and you are late and in plain sight.

the new building, its rather nice, some things have changed, not all for the better.
the foyer is great. i can't remember how the old one looks like anymore.
having the library on the 1st floor, pretty smart, but it just seems odd, like libraries are meant to be above.
i like how the layout almost stayed the same, and realise that i do miss the corridors, the classroom block and everything.
band room is reddish, thats all i can say. and the new choir room is nice.
flagpole is now on the 1st floor, not cool anymore.
and i miss the clock tower so very much.

i didn't see everything. like the hall, or the toilets. how i wish to be back in Cedar again, instead of having to worry for my future.
i'm still strongly considering poly.

2009-11-25T23:17:00.002+08:00

There she was.
Sitting alone a tthe beach, hugging her knees to her chest. So engrossed in her thoughts that she did not notice the tiny leaf nestled in her hair.
He smiled. She was exactly like how he remembered.
He walked over to her, quietly, and bent down, till they were at eye level with each other.
"I am here now."
She looked up, and smiled, " Yes, you are."
As her green eyes stared at his brown ones, at that moment, they knew, it was just the beginning.

2009-11-25T18:44:00.002+08:00

tmr is SLEEPOVER DAY!
i'm really rather excited.
because well, this group of people can always make me laugh, make me feel at ease, and make me really glad that i have known them:)
and this is possibly the best thing that have happened to me since the hols started.
cos of everything that has happened recently, i DO need a break.

:)

nonsense nothing post as usual.

2009-11-24T22:20:00.001+08:00

Today, was SUCH a fantastic day. Like, really truly.
I:
/waited at the optometrist for 2 over hours to get contacts.
/because my eyes are THAT small, i can't wear soft lenses as easily as any normal person
/therefore i need to wear gas permeable lenses, aka hard lenses.
/which means i have to keep it in good condition for 2 years,
/when someone of my character really should be wearing dailies.
/HARD LENSES HURT LIKE @#$%$
/and will hurt for 2-3 months.
/apparantly they are better for you, cos of oxygen and all that.
/but when the only thing you want to do is pull them out immediately after putting them in, you don't care about the health benefits.
/i couldn't open my eyes properly, and had to sit for 40mins to get them 'adjusted'.

i sound like a spoilt brat, yes?
i can't help it. im sorry.

oh yes, on top of my great morning, i also,
/stood my friend up for 1hr.
/she was annoyed, mad, irritated. i totally understand.
/if she doesn't ever want to go out with me, its my fault.
/if it was me, i woudn't even have waited. why wait for someone as irresponsible as me?

SEE? WHAT A GREAT DAY.

i just don't get how come everytime i plan something, and hype myself up for believing it will be an awesome day, i screw it up.
AND I NEVER MEAN FOR IT TO HAPPEN.
i never planned for the tune-in games to overtime, and that i would be late to meet C.
i never planned for the contacts fitting to take forever, and that i would be late to meet M.
i never planned to be late in meeting my friends, and to do so twice in a week.
i never planned to appear so irresponsible and untrustworthy.
and i never planned for something which i want to never happen again, happen again.

I'M SORRY. REALLY, TRULY, CROSS MY HEART.

yes, you're right, next time i should tell the person beforehand.
its not that i didn't want to. i'm just that kind of person that hopes, believes for the best, that maybe, after this part, i can go, or after this, or after this.
and the clock just ticks away.
like when i have to reach cityhall at 1130, and the time's 1047, i think, ok, enough time to ..., it only takes 22mins to reach. and by the time i check, it's alr 1113, and i'm late.
maybe it wasn't intentional, but it is my fault. dui bu qi. gomenasai.

forgiveness? a simple word, but it needs so much.
all the things i've ever done, all the things i'd yet to do.
what kind of person am i?
someone who will break promises, is that it?

2009-11-23T17:58:00.003+08:00

I shouldn't be sleeping late and waking up late.
It's so not healthy.
and. i still havent told my parents about section sleepover.
I'm so screwed.

See, this is what happens when you blog everyday. All your post become so crappy and no meaning.
but i have to persevere! till the end of the month:)

Btw, HPTX is nice!! Like, really. can't wait for ep5.
Finally he's gonna be 帥. YAY!

2009-11-23T01:53:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAROLINE!
about time you turn 16! haha it seems so weird now, cos throughout the year i've been wishing ppl that. and so many things have happened between one person's bday to the next.
this year, it's really ending now.
next year's gonna be great. well. before results day ruins everything, that is.

but ANYWAY,
someone's having fun at her chalet right now so she can't see this.
guess what?
you've the honour of being the first girl i wish happy bday to since..
since i've given this blog resuscitation.
HAHA.
i'm full of crap.
or, as M would say, full of bull -.-'''

can't wait for tuesday!
how long do you think i can keep up this frequent blog post phenomeneon?
hmm.. till the end of this month, at least?
yup that shall be my target. haha.

2009-11-21T21:19:00.000+08:00

just sent Charlene off at the airport! She's going Korea. so unfair. hmmph. haha
then she's not very high about it.
Well.. if we two were going... then we would be super high:)
oh yeah, i'm supposed to finish up my red camp post.
but im so lazzyy..
kk, tmr!

i wonder if anyone rmb our 2nd mass convo? doubt it.
ah wells. im late.
there's so many things i want to do, some things i dont even dare to say out loud.
for fear that maybe, someone will say, " You can't. "
cos i wouldn't be able to accept it.
silence... is safer.

RED CAMP (:

2009-11-20T16:19:00.005+08:00

When I say red camp you say 6.
Red Camp? 6!
Red Camp? 6!
When I say what camp you say red camp.
What camp? RED CAMP!
What camp? RED CAMP!
What camp? RED CAMP 6!

i went Ngee Ann Poly on Tues to Thurs. It was pretty awesome.
I loved Red Camp, loved my leaders, and loved my tribe, APACHE!
They made me super love red again:)
as you can see, i'm in a happy mood. so the entire post will be filled with smiley faces!
:)

There are five tribes, Apaches(red), Ninjas(blue), Centurions (yellow), Vikings (green) and Spartans (white). So we all wore our tribe colours and i became so used to looking at red that it was weird seeing a bunch of blue or green...
Hmm.. the SLs were so much fun. They were high, and cheered, and i think everyone was so willing to be high too. cos we all wanted to sign up for this course i guess, so.. everyone was high!

Apaches oi! Whooooo
Apaches oi! Whoo hoo
Apaches oi!
Red hot Apaches, making you go whoo hoo,
that's the way we all come true like whoo hoo, whoo hoo!
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Lemme give you a brief rundown of what we did over 3 days:

DAY ONE.
Assemble, performance, some instructions, then off we go!

1. School of Engineering.. built a rollercoaster thing, way fragile and unstable and ugly, but in the end.. we won! so 2 movie tix each to the ppl in our grp. good start to the morning.

And we go Boom Dynamite,
And we go Boom Dynamite,
And we go o-o-o-o Boom Dynamite
And we go Boom Dynamite, } soft
And we go Boom Dynamite, }
And we go chex chex ddddddddd BOOM DYNAMITE!
And you go ohmygod,
And you go ohmygod,
And you go o-o-o-o ohmygod,
And we go please try again,
And we go please try again,
And we go Error, access denied.
chex chex BOOOOMMMM!

2. Lunch. KFC. abit cold, but.. filling. haha. ( still rmb the plotting to get into a certain subtribe, but we still failed anw:/ until the last day! haha. )

3. Adventure Park. thank goodness we didn't all have to do the flying fox but scarier thingy. oh, and the chalet thing costs $100/night. thats like, night robbery. haha.
Played the inverse game and parachute game. which was.. abit scary, in a way.

For honour, for glory, for Apache!
All apaches in the stands, come on let me see your hands
ooh-ah-a-ah. ooh-ah-a-ah.
All apaches in the stands, who's so great, who's so great
ooh-ah-a-ah. ooh-ah-a-ah.
All apaches in the stands, who's the greatest in the land
ooh-ah-a-ah. ooh-ah-a-ah. ooh-ah-a-ah. OOM!

4. Back to main area, ended 6plus, ate and went home! dark stormy night, so spent a bomb cabbing with C. see lah, all your fault. HAHA. do you get the rhyme??

DAY TWO.
same stuff in the morn, just that J was looking zombier and zombier. ahaha.

5. School of Humanities, fun fun fun. we saw a cute puppet show, made a (eventually end up squashed) clay panda, and watched a magic show.
School of Film and Media Studies. won a game cd! haha we winning streak. saw the cool facilities, and learnt the GG cheer!

1 little 2 little 3 little Apaches
4 little 5 little 6 little Apaches
7 little 8 little 9 little Apaches
Wait a minute, we're not little!
We're almighty!
Who dares to mess with us will be chao da.
Who dares to mess with us will be barbeque.
Who dares to mess with us will be deep fried.
SA SASA SASA SA SASA SASA SA SASA SASA.
one more time!
No one will mess with us we will own you.
No one will mess with us we will eat you.
No one will mess with us you will GG
G GG GG G GG GG G GG GG.
good game!
G GG GG G GG GG G GG GG go home la!
G GG GG G GG GG G GG GG still here ah!
G GG GG G GG GG G GG GG no chance!
G GG GG G GG GG G GG GG no shame!
CHEY!!!!!

6. Lunch. Breeks!

7. School of Life Sciences, Nitrogen baked marshmallows can be eaten. Really.
School of Health Sciences. it's gross delivering a baby, mr tan the 'injured' mannequin is never dying.
Haha can see my interest level in these 2 schools.. pretty low. heh.

I love Apaches, I love the people here, I love the SLs, I love the campers too,
I love Apaches, right here in Red Camp 6.

8. some celebs came.. ok it was pretty fun, but i cant rmb anymore.

9. Dinner. We had to find a guy partner. it was rather funny, and in the very end a frenzy for nothing. ok C had some .. rewards but that's it.

10. MASS DANCE! to the tune of Now or Never and All for One. learnt about half of it the we went home. took C's car home, and we just continued to stress over the JC/Poly dilemma.
Honestly, i have no idea. I went home with a ton of ? and the Ooh-la-la cheer in my head.

Apaches, how are you feeling?
I say.. Ooh-la-la, Apache-la-la.
I say.. Ooh-la-la, Apache-la-la.
I say O-e-o-e-o, whoooooo
o-e-o-e-o, APACHE!!

DAY THREE.
11. It's so tiring to crawl out of bed. cos i ended up sleeping pretty late. but ohwells! last day!!!
Charlene came! and i spent the morning ride teaching her the cheers. like the heart one:)

1,2,3,4 listen to my heart beat. boom-boomboom-boomboom.
5,6,7,8 listen to my butt shake. tang-tangtang-tangtang.
1,2,3,4 listen to my hands clap. clap-clapclap-clapclap.
5,6,7,8 listen to APACHE! boom-boomboom-boomboom.tang-tangtang-tangtang.clap. clap-clapclap-clapclap. APACHE!!

12. School of Business. nothing much. played this game which we lost. STI = Straits Times Index.
School of Infocomm Tech. increased my interest in the animation course. Just afraid i have no flair for it.

13. Lunch, stranded at the IT block, the 1st negative thing about NP is it floods! saw students everywhere walking around holding their shoes in their hands, and it seemed so routine to them.
We went into the 'haunted' lecture theatre, and learnt new cheers! (haha what else?)

14. Back to the conf centre for mass dance and camp finale, but we were sooo high! just cheering and screaming all the way. There's this home cheer, but i cant rmb now:/
Danced mass dance with char,
Each tribe had a characteristic, and Apaches were considered wildest:) Somehow i like that!
Broke 2 Sg book of records:
1) Dance hokey pokey for 5 mins,
2) Most no of people putting a lollipop in your mouth at the same time for 3mins.
Yeah yeah sounds stupid, but when you're in the high mood anything goes!
Had the cheer-off comp to decide best tribe
andd... WE WON! despite being the smallest, WE WON!! We screamed like mad i tell you.
We had to cheer 5 cheers continuously, and we did..
oohlala, honour and glory, boom dynamite, 1,2,3,4, GG.
we were so tired after that. our cheers are too long la!
but i liked Ninja's cheers too.
And we had this alliance thing, so we became Ninche
While the other 3 were CenVikTans
the alliance cheers were pretty screwed, but we were less screwed. haha.
Ninche oi!
Ninja-jajaja, Apache-checheche
NinjaApache become Ninche.
Ninche oi!
We are.... Number 1...
No one can beat us..... ha!
Ninche oi!
Our passion, ha!
is like fire, ha!
Burn the whole desert.... ha!
They see us, ha! Also follow us, ha!
All so scared of the passion of fire.....

Spore Idol Top 4 came, i like all of them!
After that C and J left, we mass danced again, gone wild.
Dinner was ok. Assembled and did all the cheers again :D
Finally went back in for the Zouk thing, which i DID NOT enjoy.
left at 10, took train all the way back with Char.

It was a great 3 days, wonderful experience, i enjoyed myself thoroughly.
Maybe i still don't know where to go, but. Ngee Ann is a great option.
I knew that before i went for the camp, and now, i have a greater understanding.
Poly ppl, isn't all that different from JC ppl. Everyone's about the same age, have our high moments, have the mugging side, have the ability to have a great time.
So no matter where i go, i think, i can still fit in.

Ok! finally completed. I'm so tired. haha.
BYE~

BAND.

2009-04-06T19:28:00.007+08:00

My last post was 6 months ago. now i'm in sec4 already.
There was so much to say, about turning sec4, about the looming O's that we have to face, but i never really found the time to write it all down.
And that is why this blog turned mouldy, died and rotted.
Cos this year has been really busy.
Because of band.

Yep, band.
Band was, a journey. From the beginning of getting used to playing an instrument, to trying to make friends, to getting closer with my seniors, to feeling sick and tired of this 4-letter word. To finally prepping myself for the 'final lap'.
Actually band can't be summarised in a few sentences. I might need a few weeks.

But now, i think, how i used to long for this day, Monday, 6 April, my first band-free day.
So why now, why do i miss it. Why do i miss Band?
Isit because we didnt end on a glory note?
Isit because our last day of band was in tears?
Or isit because i have come to love band, after all.

I guess its all 3.

Today. When they announced the results, formally, to the entire school, we all felt that pain again. Everybody worked so hard, not just for ourselves, not just for all the seniors before us, but also, to finally prove to the school how good we can be.
And once again, just like 2 years ago, we didn't.
We proved, to ourselves, in our hearts, how we are made of gold. But there's a difference, that only having it announced by judges and seeing it on a piece of paper will make.
And although we all say it doesn't matter, really, what we get. As long as we play with no regrets.
Deep down in our hearts, it matters.
A champion is not a champion until someone officially announces, and presents that person with a medal.
And so, we can never feel truly like a gold band, till we get that officiality.

On friday, I recorded the anouncement. Because i believed that i wanted to be able to relive the euphoria of hearing a Gold, finally. I remember the euphoria, from NBC. And I wanted that. So badly. We all did.
It was only at that point of time, when i heard them say Silver, that i realised how important it was.
I once told Syahirah, that i would be sad, only if we didn't get what we deserve. If we failed, and got a Silver, i wouldn't feel any pain.
I was wrong.
However well or horribly i thought we did, whether or not we expected to get a silver, it still hurts, equally bad, when it is said officially.
Cos really, everyone still has that glimmer of hope, and only the judges can snuff it out completely.

When hope leaves you, it isn't a piercing pain, but rather, an ache, a dull thud, when your heart sinks.
It is the sort of pain that feels like it could last forever.
A pain, that with time, could be lessened, but never truly removed.
Until the day when we are really awarded GOLD.

The hall had no cheers. Just polite claps. I remember every little detail, because i felt we were moving in limbo. I didn't cry immediately. Only when we left the hall, because in truth, i had a wild, unrealistic hope. That somehow, the results were wrong, that maybe the person would say it was a mistake. How naive i could be! I even recorded the announcement, thinking ( and believing) it would be a moment I want to remember forever.

I now know the meaning of drowning in sorrow. As Cedar Symphonic Band left the hall, no one could hold back tears. I looked around, and watched people who hated band and couldn't wait till graduation, cry. I cried.

I cried because of the sadness of the people around me.
I cried because of the disappointment, the unfairness. For Nanyang didn't deserve a Gold. And neither did we.
I cried because I knew we deserved better.

No matter what others say, how it didn't matter, so long as we knew what we deserved in our hearts, and how it was okay.. All those thoughts, at that moment, i felt it was so untrue.
Of course it matters. Why won't it?

And like a spectator, i watched, banders circling each other, hugging, crying.
I watched our seniors, who came back, with hope and anticipation, of us being able to achieve what they could not. well. we couldn't, either.
I watched the vp and adults stand there, not knowing what to do, for they could only feel sympathy, but never empathy.

The bus ride home was silent. There was nothing left to say, for we all felt each other's sorrow, and who could console who?
That friday evening, we reached the bandroom,
Everything had changed since we last seen it.
The leaders ended with a tearful speech, mrs lim cried too. And that, made me cry even harder.
The people that went through this journey with us, we all wanted more, expected more, deserved more. and finally, was disappointed more.

I wont ever forget this. Yes, csb is not the best, not the most well known, but it is mine.
I'm from CSB, and no matter what, i have to move on, be like the seniors before me, and pass on all my hopes of being GOLD to the next batch, or the next.
And one day, we will get what we deserve.

To Aqila, Cathlin and Emily: Thanks for the meal. With you 3 around, I forgot all my sadness.
Thank you, so very much.

2008-10-06T16:28:00.002+08:00

Haha i think it's been ages since i even touched this thing.
i'm not sure what to say actually.
Exams.. have come and gone. Results will be out on wed.
and i don't really want to think about it.
On saturday.. Sec 4s graduated. That is such a weird thought.
That they have left, and won't be seen in school anymore.
That in one year's time, it'll be us.

And my class.. isn't exactly the closest. We have our fun times, yes, but the cliques are so many, and whenever we split into groups you can see the different social circles.
Although i have to admit, our class is so special because of.. and ..
Yup.

Today is monday. Supposedly there's a 2/0 outing tomorrow. I do want to go, but the fact that she is going to be there drops my excitement by many degrees. Plus caroline and amirah won't be there. Nor will stephanie.
I'm not sure really, why i dont like to go for outings. Maybe it's because i remember the fun we Used to have, and what we don't now. Maybe it's because i will always want to turn back time.

I miss my primary school.

2008-08-02T16:21:00.003+08:00

finally all the tests are over. i feel so relaxed now.
hmm. national day is this fri. can't wait to get the stupid display over with.
i wonder if i can live with the embarassment.

yesterday a bunch of us sec3s went to eat soyabean curd together. it was real fun. haha.
cos' we were just laughing and chatting. about bwahaha.
and on the way back, angeline me sya talked.
about band, about seniors, about juniors.
it rocked. i loved talking. and it made me re-appreciate what i had for my section.

we may not have really friendly and close sec4s when we were sec1s, but that just made us love our seniors more when we became close.
the 5 of us may not be close, but at least i have close seniors that i can actually sms anytime.
and, although i dont have sec2s that i can talk to, at least my sec1s aren't so bad.
besides, clarinet section is supposed to bring life and entertainment. im sure we can, because our motto is "cheapo but fun"

ok i can't get over the motto thing.

2008-07-29T00:05:00.004+08:00

"you dont choose the flute. the flute chooses you."
im still amazed at the idiot that actually said this line.
it's from harry potter:
"the wizard does not choose the wand. the wand chooses the wizard"

tsk tsk. i think that person ah. so weird. haha.

forgot to mention the other day, we all changed our names (:
call us anne, melissa, kimberley, amanda, michelle, heather madison:D
and .. PENELOPE. haha.

my section is the best, we do the most meaningless things like renaming ourselves -cathlin.
HAHA

MEIDEN HIGH CONCERT

2008-07-27T23:54:00.004+08:00

meiden high band is cool. there's no other word for it except interesting, talented, exceptional..
you get the idea.
their moves might be simple, but yet, they do what a band does. they work together as a team.
cant wait for december:)

today had been a pretty long day. at least today's ndp rehearsal was not roasting oven-hot as last wednesday. it was raining, actually.
and after we were released late, again, ng went to bathe at the swimming complex.
it was already 5:30, so we didnt manage to have a nice proper section dinner.
instead we ate instant food at the void deck. how nice right?
but to quote"its the company that matters"

anyway, we bumped into mrs lim and took 107 together.
and we had great fun doing a stupid thing.
haha we're living up to the motto of ' 'cheapo but fun'
WOW.

oh and we took a pic with mr ito!
and of course raffles.
later on Michelle, Melissa, Amanda and Heather Madison went for frappes.
go figure out :D

p.s. this concert really weirded me out. so many thoughts at the same time.
p.p.s. the tambourine is a cool instrument. the guy who played it made it even cooler.

honor bands concert

2008-07-19T23:24:00.001+08:00

today was a long day. really long.
syahirah and i.. let's just say we trekked across terrain for 2 wet, rainy hours.
we missed almost all of the honor bands concert :(
although the two of us did have fun, but that's not the point.

concert was good. ms sia looked cool. ok thats all. haha.

2nd National Band Competition

2008-07-12T23:15:00.005+08:00

12 July, 2008. 5:13pm
"Cedar Girls' Secondary School, with a score of 87. ..*SCREAM*

yep. thats what happened. we didnt even hear the .something cos it didnt matter.
We already got our Gold with Distinction. not just a gold, but the highest there was.
-in case you dont know, a gold with distinction is 85 and above-

the two boys were so shocked with out shrieks that they covered their ears :)
i was so extremely happy. i cried.
because after everything, all the pain and hurt and upsetness and feeling lousy and almost giving up, we did it.
together.
Cedar Symphonic Band. as one.

lets rewind a little, shall we? in the morning, there was a blackout. Again.
yep, so while we were all waiting, it didnt quite seem like a good sign. as we boarded the bus, i couldnt help but feel deja vu. whether if we were to come back, in as dead a silence as syf the year before.
when we reached, seeing cathlin, marcia and samantha did cheer us up. cos they were going to be there and cheer us on. (haha irony!)
we took some pretty funny photos, involving shooting and a rifle. haha :D

we didnt have much time though, since we were performing soon.
and ms sia was pretty annoyed with us during the whole morning. cos we just didn't seem to do things right, i guess.
plus, to make matters worse, the school before us (Yishun Town Sec) is playing the same piece. the very same, one and only, The Merry Widow. how..irritating, to put it mildly. hearing them made us nervous, although we are [really] much better.

Throughout this.. journey, i had never been 100% sure. if we could really do it. if we can re-achieve that glory and honour, once more.
Until the moment when we all sat down, ready to play, and all staring at miss sia, then i knew, how much i really wanted that. that recognition, that honour. that understanding that band was not lousy. I wanted it so badly.
and we got it.
at that moment, there was no place i'll rather be.
than right there, in VCH, screaming, crying, smiling, hugging and feeling that wave of happiness sweep over me.
so this was how it felt, getting a gold.
now i know.
and i want that feeling again, next year.

at one point we saw ms sia! cos she was conducting tkgs band later, and we all surrounded her like how bees swarm honey. haha. she said great job! and then we basically skipped off feeling as happy as lambs. okay my comparison was weird.
after that we'd went out to celebrate! me, ng, cathlin, yy, emily, livia, celeste, sya and junying. although later they left to watch tkgs and it was just us clarinettists and yingying left to eat. we ate pepper lunch, and made ourselves high filling up the feedback form.
apparantly yy and ng are gay lovers and are also actors from heroes -.-"

when i went home, all i could think about was that nice fourletter word. i doubt i can sleep tonight. my parents would be wondering why there's someone laughing in my room every 5 minutes :P

to end off, i quote someone:
The journey has been long and ardous, and at times, it seemed bleak and unending, but now, we've found the (golden)light at the end of the tunnel, and we begin on another exhilarating journey.

*/edited.
yay im glad she liked my present:)
i gave it to her minutes before the results, just in case there was no mood for it later. haha she wore it straight away k, made me smile:)
thank you senior, for coming back and playing with us, even though you sometimes feel extra, you still bother. you gave me very funny memories of band that i'll always rmb:D
and there's no way you were ever thought of as extra. at least not in my heart.
thank you, aqilampard.

the night before THE DAY

2008-07-11T23:18:00.005+08:00

this was when i was in bed and typing in my phone, but i'm just going to publish at the original time.

its 11:07 on the 11th of July, 2008.
in other words, its tomorrow.
im all tucked up in bed right now, but for obvious reasons, i can't sleep.
will we make it tomorrow? can we, really?

it sucks to have all these doubts swarming in your head like how flies swarm around dung.
did i just think of my head as dung?!? see, i can't even think properly anymore.
im not sure of anything right now but that i want it. i want that GOLD.
it's a worthy gold, im sure.
and i want it. for myself. for band. for ms sia. and for the school to finally give us a bit of respect.

so.. i think we can. i think we can make it. if we all believed,
impossible is nothing

*yes yes, i took that quote from adidas. fine, lets just do it
see, im fair to both rivals.*

csb, csb, we are the best.
there is no doubt that we'll beat the rest.
what is the future, nobody knows.
but we'll do our best.

we are going to prove him wrong tomorrow.
whatever the results, we'll prove him wrong.

2008-07-09T21:29:00.002+08:00

“Cowardice asks the question, 'Is it safe?'
Expediency asks the question, 'Is it politic?'
Vanity asks the question, 'Is it popular?'
But conscience asks the question, 'Is it right?'
And there comes a time when one must take a position
that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular
but because conscience tells one it is right.”

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

it's just 3 days away.

SKY OF LOVE:)

2008-07-07T20:37:00.003+08:00

ahh. today i watched SKY OF LOVE for the 3rd time :)
with my girlfriends. yay so happy.
now caroline has a new crush. will probably last a day. ahaha.
hey look.

see we look like them:)

ok we don't really. but, come on, have some imagination. haha.
i am in love. with Miura Haruma :D
actually i'm quite slow. watch 3rd time then fall in love. ahaha.

the 4 of us were so high. all cos of caroline's smitten expressions and pauses.

ps. i love you 3!

2008-07-04T23:47:00.002+08:00

today was CEDAR EXPRESS YOURSELF DAY!
it was quite fun actually, seeing all the people dressing in wild stuff like emo punk rock and.. witches.. nerds.. pyjamas.
really cool, wish that 3S had a theme, too :(
never mind, hopefully it's such a success we have it again next year. end sec 4 with a bang, right?
sec 4... *shudders*

anyway, i went out with a really interesting bunch of people today.
really interesting.
we ate 'lunch' at 5 plus.
cos of Somebody whose name starts with S and ends with H.
to be honest, i had a great 2 hours.
i think she's alright. i used to be biased, and kind of one-sided, but..
she is ~~actually quite a~~ nice. and funny.

just that 5 mins was supremely uncomfortable. that's all.

2008-06-29T04:15:00.003+08:00

sherilyn loves quizzes. this is a fact. haha

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your first reaction be?
disappointment.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
be a dancer.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
the person who first decided that we should calculate stuff like the amount of hydrogen. i mean, seriously, who cares??
oh, and all the people who contributed to math subjects resulting in children all over singapore cursing and swearing.sorry, am very annoyed.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
learn how to play the flute and drums. haha.
go to fun places and bring back lots of cool souvenirs.
er. i dont know already.
sponsor cedarband for overseas trips. yes, im so loyal. haha

5. If you could only take one thing with you in a fire at home, what would you take?
handphone.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
loved by someone.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love?
pretty long. until i give up hope, i guess.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
not give up. i think im the kind who would wait.

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
yup :D

10. If you can die in one way, how will it be?
erm, painless death through sleep.
i dont like this question much.

11. How do you see yourself in ten years time?
at 25 years old, i want to get my dream job, and hopefully still be in touch with my sec sch friends.

12. Who is currently the most important people to you?
friends :D

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
no one tagged me. haha

14. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
oh man. single and rich. i dont have to have a guy, do i.

15. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
do the open/close eye thing. ahaha

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
yes.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
either the first or the second. haha

18. What type of people do you hate?
people who act like they know everything. or that they care when they dont at all.

19. Gain 20kg or lose 20kg?
that will make me either too fat or too skinny. neither.

such a cute quiz:)

2008-06-27T22:38:00.000+08:00

why do i feel like such a big fat failure?
someone who cant do anything right.
or anything well.

in my studies, i'm just mediocre, never excelling in any particular subject, always being ordinary.
in band, i'm just a member, a member that can't even play properly. unlike my wonderful counterparts in class, who are perfect.
i have no special abilities, i wasn't born beautiful, i don't have that many friends, i'm not a good leader.

if i were a biography, the words 'special' 'unique' 'extraordinary' 'excel' won't appear anywhere.
unless there's a 'not' in front of these words.

what am i?
this is, i guess, my teenage life crisis.

2008-06-24T23:53:00.000+08:00

Two people walk,
their shadows almost touching in the pale moonlight.
They walk, and wonder.
Silently.
How two people can be so close, yet so very far apart.
Inches close, but worlds apart.
They wonder these thoughts.
Silently, of course.
Then they walk on, and part ways.
Silently.
-written while waiting for 23

2008-06-23T20:08:00.001+08:00

im not affected at all by the results.
seriously, i love them being leaders. They are my friends, why should i be upset?
Why, really? Haven't i got over the chance to be one?
i really have.
I doubt it's that.
Sometimes, i wish my feelings could talk back to me.
Let me know why i'm feeling the way i'm feeling now.

Anyway, i am really feeling happy right now.
i really think the entire world is fine and dandy.

i'm a liar.

cos i know band as i know it, has changed.
it will never be like my first 3 batches of leaders. ever.
i can't bring myself to say 'leader"
i dont know why.

Maybe it's cos i can't accept people my level being band leaders, Maybe it's cos sya is head.
Maybe it's cos she can never be a true DM in my eyes.
Maybe it's cos i don't want the sec4s to step down yet.
Maybe it's cos that's just the way i am.
Selfish.
Unaccepting.
Mean.

you know what?
Maybes don't solve the problem. I should just stop now and continue my simple band member life.
see? i have zero bitterness at all.

2008-06-15T16:51:00.002+08:00

haha everyone do this for me:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Sherilyn
thanks.
yeah, im the insecure kind that doesnt know what my personality is.
ok, off to tkgs concert!
yippee, can see mr ong. haha

2008-06-11T19:33:00.002+08:00

i guess sometimes when you think you can't go through with whatever life brings, that's the time when you can surprise even yourself.
How did i come up with such a cliche statement? i have no idea.

Take the band thing for example, i really was upset about it. At that time, it seemed like it mattered a whole lot. I truly believed i should be given a chance to at least try. But i didn't get it.
And while i want to say i was all ok and just got over it. i didn't.

Now, i realise i did learn to actually let go and just accept whatever life threw at me. Yes, so very cliche, but cliches are what they are because they are true.
I can't change anything right now, can I? After so many weeks i finally had to accept. cos' i have not much choice but to.

During this process, i hurt a lot of people. Cos' of my mood swings and tactless words, and i feel so bad about it. I was craapy and sensitive, and just moody and sullen. I took it on syahirah alot, which is just plain.. wrong. I mean, she so badly wants this, so naturally she would deserve a chance to at least try. I guess i'm just naturally a pretty selfish person, not wanting others to have what i didn't get. Even if they were my closest friends who mean the world to me.

Right now? I just want to get over this, magic everything back to normal.
I want to move on.

2008-05-16T22:26:00.002+08:00

ok let's be random!

some random things currently on my mind right now:

1: ALL 4 photo-taking. ALL. so super random alright? made my day twice. and it's so unfair she can announce it publicly, while i have to act and pretend and cover up. how annoying.

2: i'm choosing to believe the little talk we had with them actually made an impact. i choose to believe in it.

3: i love the fact that my seniors(ok fine aqila) bother to pop in to my class to say hi. that makes me feel real nice and special. i mean, how many seniors do you know do that? not that many, i can say :)

4: mdm lum is so funny. HAHA.

5: i wanna watch bring it on 3. but liyana's not online. horrible.

6: our class is so cute. we produce bubbles.

7: i got a year left to be closer to them. i want to i want to i want to. AHH.

ok that's all. 7 random thoughts in my head. i'm glad it's all out now. now my mind's only left with dust and fluff. hah.

2008-05-13T22:41:00.002+08:00

There's like, so many things happening tomorrow. monitress and band phototaking, band, cedar choir concert. and it seems everything is rushing by so fast.

2008-05-04T18:08:00.002+08:00

feeling random :)
so let's type random things.

i.. like my new phone. it's so pure and white.

ok fine i cut my hair. i look weird. im my own really biased opinion, that is.

i.. want to be a pro ice skater. and, i shall not have empty dreams, i shall take lessons. im serious k, just wait and see.

i wonder if our seniors would miss all the fun times with their lovely seniors. cos' i know i'm missing my crazy seniors already. and it has only been a month.
when's our section birthday again?

i hate that feeling of awkwardness. when you bump into someone you haven't seen for ages, and there's no longer anything you can say, because you were only acquaintances once upon a time, and now that you've locked eyes, you just have to say hi, and there's only that deafening silence echoing afterwards.
that's why i would rather run away instead of that kind of silence that bring you guilt. because you have lost a friendship. it would just leave you wishing you had tried harder to keep in contact.
i have had enough of these coincidences to last me a lifetime.

i really want to make the best use of my sec3 year as much as i can. every moment is precious, because you can never live those moments again. i don't want to be just one of those people who live for the weekends. i only have that much CEDAR life left.

living with no regrets:D i already had so many already, don't wanna have any more.

SENIORS :D

2008-05-01T21:59:00.004+08:00

that day that we celebrated cathlin's and elaine's birthday, it felt kind of weird. i know this is backdated, but i suddenly felt this way after thinking back.
because the sec1s were so enthusiastic, and so in, while the sec2s were.. well, they were just talking amongst themselves. it makes me wonder, what kind of a section we are turning into. certainly not the one i came in.

and elaine, now i know what a good actress you are. cos' we were seriously taken in by you acting like you didnt know what the 'meeting' is for. It would have mattered, you know, if you didnt appear. cos although we kind of ignored you a little bit, you are still very much our senior. and we are missing you right now.

because band now is truly boring. there's no longer anyone i can relate to or laugh with, now that cathlin and aqila are gone. sectionals used to be fun you know, and now they no longer are. i try to talk to the sec2s, but it's so hard when all they do is just laugh amongst themselves. it's annoying. and the sec1s, well we don't know them well yet i guess. i just hope we can really talk to them in the future.
it's like, i could never carry on a conversation the way my seniors did when i was in sec1. like i have no proficiency in conversation :/

on 29th april, ie. free cone day, ng and i went to vivo! we bumped into caroline and sarah there. so, after eating our icecream, we walked around, reminiscing all the lovely memories:)
walking past the shops where we once went to help tanya find a top, taking pictures at weird places, eating at pastamania, everything. so, just to celebrate, we went pastamania and bought peach lychee soda.
i had a wonderful time that day, going to all the nice places, remembering everything. vivo will always be a special place for clarinet section, where we waded in the pool, took pics, laughed like mad, made a fool of ourselves, played air hockey, and foozeball.

i can't imagine doing all of this with my juniors, and i think we never will.
i can't ever be as close to them as my seniors were to us. so for once i'm glad to be born this year, although usually my year has all the misfortunate things happening, if i weren't sec3 now, i could have never close to them. and that would have been my biggest regret of all.
see, they were never as close with their seniors. so it's kind of fate.

you know, we tried avoiding adidas. because it held too much memories. yet in the end, we took the wrong escalator down, so we had to walk past,
i love foozeball, just because.

cant wait for japan trip.

2008-04-18T19:17:00.002+08:00

YOU MADE ME SMILE :)
every single time that i needed a boost, you were there for me.
in that weird way of yours.
i sure will miss you when you go.

this week was nice. there's wasnt any more stress, at least we're finally playing some new pieces for band (although tarantella is killer ), and buzz at canteen rocked.
i didnt know we are that great.
i truly like 3 supersomething now. for all our flaws that day, at least we were loud.
quite an obvious sign we all knew the lyrics wasnt it?

this is going to be a rubbish post because i hadnt had rubbish posts for ages.
and because i'm feeling rather high right now.
can't wait for sunday.
although there were some ripples in the sea of friendships, nevermind. im sure we can sort it out, can't we?

speaking of which, just want to say.
i dont want to back down this time.
because i have been doing so every single time
name one time that you gave in first. you cant can you?
proves something doesn't it?
and i do try you know. i dont purposefully say thing or fo things.
only when im really frustrated ir sad, then do i speak to hurt.
but i rarely wish to do that anymore.
cos it's not what she would do, and that's who's example i'm thying to follow.
i know she gives in to her peers, there's a real good example walking by me every day.
that timei t wasn't acting, it was real.
that's how she would handle friendships, mostly willing to be the peacemaker, and hardly ever one to lose her temper. i know that's not her kind, to stomp off.
and that's who im emulating.
this very one time, i dont see what the big deal with you was. it was just 10 mins of your life. 10 minutes, just 600 seconds. it does not hurt to do that one small favour.
you had a choice, to give in once and accept graciously the option that was presented in front of you, or to do what you do, huff off and grab that magazine instead.
i mean, it's not like you wouldn't have it for the rest of your life.
that ' you know i can't do that at home' was such a lame excuse.
if you can't do it at your home, which is where you belong, then what does it show , huh?
and that's why i wont give in this time.
cos i think its ridiculous.

im sorry, rambbling again. i guess this wasn't a rubbis hpost at all. it was one full of deep meaning.
just like the heated discussion we had with mdm faridah today. best lesson of the week i must say.
it's on those random perods of the the week when mardhiyyah becomes extremely.. annoying and entertaining.
all the bits and pieces, make up the true essence of what we 3S are.
we're super somethings :D

CHEER 08'

2008-04-13T12:02:00.000+08:00

so we didn't win.
i knew it would be like that, always knew.
and now, deep down in my heart, i think, does it matter?
i don't think so. not anymore.
i have aches left over from cheer, as a reminder.
and now, there's an emptines inside. because its over.
all the practices, the stress, the tiredness, everything.
risking my grades and my time,
it was all worth it.
because garde cheer bonded.
we tried our very best, put in what we could in that short amount of time.
i know we screwed up, badly. but in the end, it was okay.
it doesn't quite matter, being the official champion.
what mattered was we all truly wanted to win, and in our heart of hearts, we did.
and now, i know what cheerleaders are.

they're not bimbos, they're performers.
they stand in front of a huge crowd, feeling nervous, feeling unprepared,
having an ominous feeling they'll screw up.
they start, and halfway through, they break down,
but they continue.
they pull through, doing the remainder of what they can,
always remembering to keep that smile on their face.
they remind themselves, "we're cheerleaders, so chin up, move on"
they finish the show.
they keep the tears till the end, away from the audience.
and they remember, that no matter what, they tried, they dared to tried.
and thats what counts.
giving their very best.

i know we werent the most united, and compared to other teams, we didnt have as frequent practices or work as hard. not all of us in the team really truly cared,
but its okay, its over. and next year, we'll show everyone.
we wont let siying down. she did so much by herself, the music, the routine, the skirts.
she has my utmost respect, despite so many things not working out, she tried to stay calm, and she kept her temper.
it's so hard to be a cheer captain, and though she may not have been the most perfect, she was the best.
whatever title we get next year, it won't matter, cos we would put in our real absolute best, and we wont have any regrets.
we'll be the champions in our own rights.

i love you, garde cheer, for giving me wonderful memories.
every bit of time and energy spent was worth it.

2008-03-29T01:41:00.003+08:00

it's all a facade;
everything that was said and done,
i never believed it to be true.
all i hoped was, you'd be there to see me through.
i shouldn't have had too high hopes.

2008-03-15T03:42:00.002+08:00

its 3.52am. shit
i'm supposed to wake myself up at 7 ~~tmr~~ today. to go samantha's synchro thing? and i'm awake. sigh.
cant wait for ~~tmr~~ today though:D

`coincidence is God's way of remaning anonymous;
i liked the leap years.

2008-03-11T23:59:00.002+08:00

today was a nice weird day. band was bleargh. because i just didnt feel up to it.
after meeting them, felt just like old times lah. like how we used to be,
just *diang*-ing each other. haha i loved this word. picked it up from a random YouTube video :D
i like the pics we took. and the way we took them.
see? shall have more thrilling movie-watching ways. so all-in-all, i was pretty high today.
weird random post.
am currently doing some insect bites thingy which is ridiculous.
i want that bag k.
im weird. hahahaha.

bag shopping is my passion. nono. bag BUYing is in my blood.

2008-03-02T13:56:00.002+08:00

found this from long ago.
SHER` hello, it's christmas eve❤ says:
yeah. well guess what
i went caroline's hse on sun
and we kept playing djmax on my psp
ok djmax is like those arcade games in the ..arcade
well there's like four drums then u hit the drum when this thing falls down.
so anw
i realised i have zero coordination
haha
my eyes and hands dont go with each other
Temper's one thing you can't get rid of by losing. says:
hahaha
then how do you play clarinet?
SHER` hello, it's christmas eve❤ says:
clarinet is brain and hand and lungs
Temper's one thing you can't get rid of by losing. says:
and your fingers..?
SHER` hello, it's christmas eve❤ says:
eyes connect to brain and brain connect to lungs to blow and brain connect to fingers
eyes and hand got no contact
haha
or so i think
Temper's one thing you can't get rid of by losing. says:
ahahaha

i don't know, brings back memories i guess.
im in the mood for a quiz. let me go steal one from aqila...
ok im back. here goes.

The Basics
Hair Color:dark brown
Eye Color:darkdark brown
Height:1.6m
Profession:student
Relationship Status:single:)

My Favorites
Favorite Color:currently, red and lime green
Favorite Car:nissan march. It’s too cute for words, plus it has my birthday month in it
Favorite Movie:most recent fav, kungfu dunk.
Favorite Hobby:using the computer
Favorite Song/Singer:too many to list.
Favorite Book/Author:for now.. jodi piccoult.
Favorite School Subject:without a doubt, literature!
Favorite Food:butter waffle.
Favorite Restaurant:eh, szechuan court, I think.
Favorite Animal:penguin!
Favorite Childhood Friend:I can only think of.. ok I forgot. My partner was this boy called Joel though.
Favorite Childhood Memory:playing at the concrete slide. Concrete you know.
Favorite Baby Name:if you mean favourite name, then kerryne.
Favorite Person In Your Life:not applicable.

This or That
Chocolate or Vanilla:choc, anytime.
Big Mac or Whopper:none fillet-o-fish! :D
Coke or Pepsi :mountain dew! :D
Beer or Wine:none. Fruit juice! :D
Coffee or Tea:tea
Apple Juice or O.J.:both
Facebook or MySpace:facebook.
Summer or Winter:winter. always
Windows or Mac:macintosh.
Cats or Dogs:dogs. Somebody’s house with 7 cats have scarred me for life.
Boxers or Briefs:boxers
Rain or Shine :rain.
Chips or Popcorn:popcorn, sweet or buttered.
Salty or Sweet:sweet
Plane or Boat:plane
Morning or Night:night!
Movie or Play:MOVIE.
Walk or Drive:both.
Money or Love:love
Breakfast or Dinner:dinner
Forgiveness or Revenge:forgiveness
Paint or Wallpaper:paint
House or Apartment:big, BIG house. :D

Do You?
Have Any Pets:nope. I would like a hamster though
Have Any Children:neh. Unless you count penny, which I don’t.
Smoke:to quote aqila “NEVER EVER. there are cooler ways to die.”
Drink:to quote again “NOPE. i love my liver.”
Exercise:if you count P.E. then yupJ
pend Your Life On Facebook:no!
Play On A Sports Team:noB
elong To Any Organizations:is band an organization?
Love Your Job:as a student? If you versus it with working, then yes. But when you think of hw. NO
Like To Cook:yesyes. Baking too.
Play An Instrument:clarinet :D
Sing:
im part of daily doses of :) you know.
Dance:of course. In the privacy of my home.
Speak Multiple Languages:not really.
Ice Skate:no :/S
wim:YES
Paint:yes
Write:im a student.
Ski:no.
Juggle:no but i want to learn how though.

Have You Ever
Stolen Anything:hehehehehehehe. yep.
Been Drunk Before Noon: NO LAH.
Had Sex In A Public Place: next question.
Got Caught Telling A Lie: hahaha ya
Got A Speeding Ticket: nope
Been Arrested: no.
Littered: :)
Fantasized About A Co-Worker:co-worker? You mean my friends????? What do you think.
Cheated On A Test: yes. But I was young! And foolish!
Cheated In A Relationship:no.
Failed A Class:?
Screened Your Phone Calls:yes.
Eaten Food Off The Floor:hahaha
Stuck Gum Under A Desk:I hate gum.
Wished You Were Someone Else:YES
Cried During A Movie:yepp
Had A One Night Stand:NO. WAY.

Other
Biggest Fear:heights
Biggest Mistake:...
#1 Priority In Your Life:family
Dream Job:design, or media.
Causes You Believe In:-
Special Talents:observing the weirdest things.
Where Are You Right Now:at home in front of the comp
Where Would You Rather Be:in my bed reading
Famous Person You Want To Meet:Vanessa hudgens.
Place To Visit Before You Die:south korea.
Song Played At Your Funeral:not very important isit, seeing as im already dead?

done.

2008-03-02T11:28:00.000+08:00

hey guess what?
my birthday's coming.
just 3 days to go.

looking at the prospects, it's not good at all.

OAC

2008-03-01T17:40:00.003+08:00

OAC sucked.
there's no other word for it. it's the perfect word to describe how upset i was, how annoyed, how unhappy.
and no, it's not about the restricted bathing times (much better than coals, btw), sleeping times, activities, campsite itself.
it's the people, or rather, 3S. how we didn't work together, how we didn't bond, how it had nothing to do with our different personalities clashing ( that's crap, as if other classes didnt have diff personalities?)
how it was just us.
i tried, really truly did, but it just wasnt to be, i guess. some of us, we didn't put in the effort, we couldn't care less. i have no idea why other classes could do it, but not us.
look at 3P. how they worked things out. their subject combi are no less varied than ours. yet.
i dont know how i will face our class on mon.
remember what mr kang said? about how OAC makes or breaks the class?
we are the broken. we tried to hide it after the first night, but we still are.
sure, everyone likes to bond, but maybe not everyone tried their hardest.
i want to be part of a bonded class. so, 2 months are over. now what? what else can we do. we would just stick back to our own cliques anyway.
the best part of camp? the billybanja at the end. how ironic.

now we're at oac,
divided as can be,
everything's gonna stop us now.
cos of the obstacles and the challenges,
that we couldn't overcome.
it's like we're walking on broken glass,
all this we will regret,
it's an experience i wanna forget.
-tune of SOS

2008-02-22T21:28:00.002+08:00

today was a sleeepy day.
i couldn't help but doze off in chem.
and, the partner-changing thing is extremely unfavourable now.
well, at least there's still a strand of hope.
stupid syahirah. made me stand like a fool there and watch people go by.
hrmph.
but i ended having a nice conversation with claire and livia. my chinese group members.
shit. i haven't done yet. haha.

why is oac so near? i like oac, but its too soon.
we're super unprepared, and i don't want to super suck.
anyway, the above-mentioned left me all alone after school.
thanks though, to someone who came and made me feel less lonely.
you know who you are:)

rubbish posts suit rubbish moods.
shopping carts are cool.

2008-02-19T22:00:00.003+08:00

i wish there's a way we can make it all right.
i know i'm not alone in thinking this way, but.. no one seems to want to do anything about it.
we just stick together like piles of shit. big, fat, lumpy piles.
that's not a pun.

u can tell exactly how seething i am right now, because i'm getting much better at keeping the 'happy' mask on my face.
see? i do learn things in school.

shoot shoot, BANG! you're gone.

2008-02-15T21:57:00.000+08:00

thanks charlene for the total defence day present :D
i had a fun time just now, just talking, relaxing, slacking.
just like the old days before i became so caught up in that.

don't give up on love,
have faith.
restart.

VALENTINE'S (:

2008-02-14T23:28:00.000+08:00

valentine's was nice:)
you could just see the envious looks on the sec1s faces when they realise vday is such a big thing in cedar. they'll learn though, and be well-equipped next year.
i got manymany nice presents. like cathlin's cliche candle.
hey that's alliteration. ok whatever.
and.. caroline's chocolate cookie.
alliteration again! im getting on your nerves, aren't i? yes, i thought so :P
beatrice's rose, mardhiyyah's paperheart, tons of chocs and sweets, a muffin and 2 lovely hugs:)

ahh. my baking was worth it in the end. all the staying until 1030 at angeline's house, and sleeping at 1am wrapping up my gifts.
i guess cedarians are an innovative lot. the things they get for one another.
random; i cant wait to give my teachers really meaningful and Unique presents. hahahaha.
and emaths test was just detestable, as always. sad to say i'm hoping for a pass, yeah?
on the bright side, ms sia didnt come today. not that i don't think she makes bandpracs useful, but i kind of need a day to rest you know, after non-stop blowing for 2hrs+ and lack of sleep.
okay this post is nothingness, cause i'm in a nothingness mood :D

hey boo, thanks for the special valentine's, once again, you just know how to make me smile.
happy valentine's, my love.

cause i still believe in destiny, that you and i were meant to be;

andrea's birthday.

2008-02-11T22:16:00.000+08:00

ANDREA SON HUI JUN!!!!
despite my busy and busier schedule, i have specially come online to post on you. so be honoured okay, because it doesn't always happen that im in a unusually nice, and very guilty about not meeting up mood.
just want to wish you a very happy birthday!
may you stop hunching and cut your ridiculously long hair. no lah.
just stay your cheerful self okay? d
on't lose your sense of humour and unique personality.
because that's the andrea i know and love :)
i do try, too, to live on the brighter side of life.
just like what you like me to do.
although sometimes its very hard, but let's not elaborate because this is a happy birthday post.

let's meet up! we are sadly, an entire 365 days off-schedule :/
what if i forget how you look like? harh? HARH???
i dont care, kick a few hours out of the march hols just for the 3 of us.
that's me, unreasonable as usual. muahahaha.
HAPPY 15th!

damia's birthday

2008-02-09T00:44:00.001+08:00

happy birthday damia! though i'm slightly late, but nevermind. happy birthday!

watched kungfu dunk just now with my sis. lovely. people, must watch alright. even though some parts were pretty exaggerated, but the basketball-ing parts rocked. and it just made me like __ more :)
so yes, everyone go spend your money on this show.

wednesday was a pretty boring day i suppose. our cny deco competition flopped. we seriously sucked at it. and our rat.. let's just say its one of the most deformed rats you've ever seen. not that you have seen many redpacketrats. but still.
i had fun laughing though. and taking manymany pictures. ooh i learnt the cookie monster song. and now i know the ratio of V:A is the way i like it.
the concert was kinda dumb. weird. and dumb. what sucked was i was sitting next to the chinese drum, and that i was so far from my classmates :(
i can just imagine their photo-taking sessions while i was sitting gloomily with THEnerd.
after school, everyone deserted me! i called charlene while she was at the overhead bridge. then amirah invited me to go out with dery and simin. so off we went to parkway. we just walked around aimlessly and ate kfc.
then charlene came.. and the rest left while i went off with her and joanne. finally went home tiredly with joanne, complaining about teck whye :D

2008-02-03T00:04:00.000+08:00

Happy 15th dear.
Did you think i would forget such an important date?
Besides, you've have been hinting so very often. haha.
Thanks so much for being by my side during 2007, and this year too.
although it has only been a month, so much have happened already.
You'd really helped me a lot, and put up with all my nonsense and mood swings and hair-patting.
Sometimes i really suck and i know that.
Thanks for sticking with me anyway.
You are the one person who makes me silent-laugh and cry-laugh the most.
Without you, I probably wouldn't have survived band, since there isn't anyone to relate to and complain to :)
Or math lessons. Who can stand grumpy lumpy alone?
And dear, you're not insignificant okay, I didn't mean that.
So have a very special day, Nur Syahirah bte Idris, and remember, iloveyoulooads!

P.S. you've a whole birthday post dedicated to you, something caroline has always wanted.
P.P.S. present-wise, old rules. give me mine 1month2days after i give you yours :)

2008-02-02T11:45:00.000+08:00

sometimes, you just feel like your whole world is breaking apart.
when the people who used to see you so clearly, now become just another hi-bye friend.
when your friends who know you inside out, still treat you like a stranger.
when the trusted betrayed, and the lies grew bigger.
when friends turn to strangers, and people stop being the same person you have known your entire life.
when you fell down, and you realised no one was there to say " its ok."
when you feel so exhausted after a long day, and no one understands why you can't do more.
when you're frustrated, sad, angry, yet only the four walls are the ones listening.
when you have to be happy all the time.
when all you wanted was a hug, but no one bothers anyway.
when no one notices, or cares when you are unhappy, they think it's just another act.
when they don't believe what you say, even though they are your best friends.
when you turn around and realise, there isn't anyone behind you, backing you up.
when, at the very end, after all you've gone through, all the ups and downs, then you realise you're right back where you started.
still as unsuccessful,
and so very alone.

we all break down. we all stop.
we all look inside and realise, there's nothing left.

2008-02-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

today was probably my most emotional day ever.
how i felt so high during deco, so low during actual lessons, and how i hit rock bottom after everyone had left and i realised just how bad it was.

i just always can't seem to get it right.
i tried so hard, i really did do my very best. but it still wasn't enough.
maybe it's me. that i just don't have the competency.
that it ain't possible for me to do something well, to delegate tasks, to actively help.
maybe if i didn't raise my stupid arm, everything right now wouldn't be this bad.
or maybe it could have been worse, with that idiot in charge.
my head is spinning. really fast, like a basketball.
it hurts to think, to push the blame, to feel sad.
it's like, like i have to put in so much effort,try so hard just to keep the happy mask on my face.
i don't want to, you know. i just want to be someone normal, who can really succeed.
now they just think im a d.a. facading as a person, a leader.
maybe i think that way too.
my head really hurts now. my heart aches, too.

74 steps of grass.
after 3.30, i felt extremely low. and upset.
GIANT thanks to the two wonderful people who tried their best in cheering me up. and erm, suceeded i guess.
also small credit goes to emily for providing brilliant entertainment without realising.
you did a fantastic job of being emily.

haha aqila, stop the pout thing. it seriously decreases your already rather unglam reputation. and you're quite nice to me, i realised that.
as all senior-junior relationships go.
so yeah, thanks for always managing to make me laugh.

CAROLINE! who cheered me up all the way. you really were very nice to me today, donating materials, making me feel better, saying it's ok. everything. just being there, made me feel better :) thank you.
i do like roaming tampines mall with you. and swinging.
but it's mostly the talking. like i could tell you so much, and that somehow you can relate, and understand me.
that's when you deserve a cuddly.
hey, that's a great honour you know, not everyone is special enough to receive a hug from yours truly.
cos' maybe not everyone has such a nice tummy to hug. heh heh. *cue evil laugh*
jaywalking gives my heart exercise :D

i feel better now. i suppose blogging helps me clear my cloggedup brain.

oh. its 74. as in 74. what a grand coincidence :)

2008-01-30T19:13:00.000+08:00

every single, stupid time you know just how to make me irritated.
how to make others feel pity for you, to make people believe i'm a jerk.
oh wait, jerk is meant for guys. fine. that im a big fat bully. someone who will purposely lower your self-esteem. and make you upset just for the sake of enjoyment.

why can't you just be more normal for once? to see that, it was just a joke.
something you could have just laughed off and say, "no, im not insignificant, im just as important as you are". and that would have been that. end of issue. fullstop.
but NOO. you had to make a big deal out of it. be offended. let others find out. let our friends say oh you're so poor thing, yes sherilyn is so mean to say that!
that's what you want, is it? well you've succeeded then. great.

haven't you ever looked at it from another angle? don't you know by now that i don't mean that? its not the first day you know me. can't you understand that that's the way i am. frank. cutting.
you should have seen by now, shouldn't you. the very fact that you would get upset, angry etc. shows you don't know me well at all. that you would think i actually meant that. you think that i am not upset over your little trust in me? that's what hurts me the most. when i thought you knew me best. and i'm actually so very wrong.
stop being so petty.

you are the one, who used to say things like 'i doubt so-and-so would remember me.' then what do i do? do i say, yeah, of course she wont remember you existed.
or did i try to assure you that she definitely knows who you are, and that you ain't forgotten?
YOU are the one who always implies that you feel insignificant. yet this time, when i actually AGREE with you, i get silent treatment. seriously, i'm sick and tired of trying to tell you you are known by others. obviously you don't really believe what i say when i'm boosting your self-esteem.
yet this time, this once, when i said the opposite, you believe me, don't you?
how fitting. to believe the negative, and not the positive.

i can't help it that you are going to get offended over such minor issues. it's really not my problem since this isn't the first time you are so petty anyway. i won't say sorry this time. i don't want to break down first. it's so very tiring to be in a friendship where i have to be nice all the time. count the number of times i have gotten offended or upset over negative remarks about me. and count vice versa. at least spot the difference.
give and take. live and let live. don't you understand at all?

it's not that i don't want to be friends.
i just dont want to pretend anymore.

2008-01-28T22:43:00.000+08:00

three times today. fulfilled my daily quotient.

you know what? i was feeling pretty down today, and guess who changed my mood?
aqila of course. and cathlin too.
you know, i seriously don't know what i would do when they leave.
they make band enjoyable, and sectionals fun.
they are our closest batch of seniors,
the ones who make sleepless nights actually worthwhile.
the ones that know how i feel, that don't just sympathize, but empathise.
the ones who.. who help me bully emily!
the ones who i can always count on.
i don't want them to go.
thanks, so much for everything :D

call it selfish, or whatever, but i actually like to talk during band.
i don't enjoying giggling 500 times, or miming. understand?
i sound harsh. but that's because i can't take it anymore. it sucks, ok?
knowing you have to suffer another year, your last, most important, precious year with such people.

2008-01-26T00:49:00.000+08:00

on wednesday,

"guess what"

"what."

"i learnt to swing yesterday!"

" NO WAY!!!"

haha see that's why my seniors always can make me laugh especially when i'm feeling down. which is pretty often during band.
anyway, that swing thing? its true. i officially learnt how to swing at 14years10mths, on 22nd jan at 5pm :)
so overall, it was a rather positive tuesday, i suppose. except for getting my skirt blue at 2 ends, and being 99% close to being grounded.

thursday, however, was fully depressing.
first you hear the cheers. then you hear the cries. it breaks my heart, seeing people break down. wondering if we would be like this next year, when we take our mt o's results.
will we jump for joy? or cry in sadness?
it's unfair that something you do within 2 hours can make or break you. but i suppose that's life then.
unfairness.
the only constant is change and all that.

thanks to them though, the 'phenomenal class of 2007', we got half day off today. i half-bullied trisha and kendra in drawing the notice board, so now our board is fully ready for painting. i can't wait. seriously just want my classroom boards to transform into beautifully decorated..boards.
the duty/birthday board is all mine.
she can go handle the rest, that extra.
i really. just. can't. stand. her.
if she can remind me of her and the hippo, that's how bad she is.

back to topic. the 4 of us left school around 11, and went to tampines, a very -.- thing, but..
ate QiJi; walked miles and miles to reach sunplaza park; played swings again, to my request, despite the scorching sun; got our skirts blue again, with me winning top prize for bluest butt; sat in the middle of the bicycle track and played songs; went sya's house; slacked around; played Cluedo! twice. oh amirah won both times.
but that 'is that part of sya's hse' thing was way ironic :)
absolutely can't wait for tuesday, which means physics test would be over, possibly lit and english too, there isn't band, and most importantly, i would finally know how to play chess!
haha im a nerd, and a bespectacled one at that.

sorry this post was crap. just treat it as transparent. non-existant. blank. unavailable.
there you go, im ranting again.

you gave me one special glimpse today, in perfect timing.

2008-01-23T22:55:00.000+08:00

i guess it's not ok after all.
these few weeks, i've been struggling, hoping, waiting.
giving myself thousands of 'what ifs', as if that could change the facts.
i just couldn't accept it, and i'll pretend it's alright, when it wasn't.
every single day, i tried to convince myself.
and every single day, i'll fail.
without the constant reminders, i wouldn't mind at all.
it's just. the people. the non-existant friendships.
it's so very tiring.
day after day after day.
pretending nothing is wrong, that i don't care at all.
that i'm fine.
guess what? i'm not.
i know it's my fault. it was my own incompetence.
and yes, i regret it now.
but it no longer matters.
i can't turn back the clock, i can't make myself something that i'm not.
i just want to accept.
i don't want to 'what if' anymore.
i just want to be okay with it. i just want to smile again.
i just don;t want to lie anymore. to be able to say, "yeah, i dont care"

then why, do i still care so much?
is it just the uo thing? is it just the 30 thing? or is it because i want to be something, for once?
i don't just wanna be a person.
i want to be her friend.

2008-01-11T23:43:00.000+08:00

argh. im so frustrated.
there's really tons and tons of stuff to do nowadays, and that few hours when you come home from school just isn't enough.
i sort of regret having to take on this position, especially as the nominal roll thing was really driving me nuts the past few days.
at least it's finally over.
you know, my archive of posts which i havent' posted up is pretty full.
ok i shall try tomorrow. just add on the the list of stuff i have to do :/

tomorrow's induction ceremony.
wonder if it will actually be successful this year. e
verything is weirded since moving here.
especially trudging up 2 levels of steps to get to the hall. chairs are heavy.
well. at least rocknroll is better than disco lives!.

sorry people im boring myself too. its this past few days where i've gotten into this.. down mood. and all i can do to entertain myself is abuse my poor table partner. which incidentally, happens to be hihi.
for now, anyway.
i got really high on thursday though.
all thanks to the school testing the PA system. gave me laughing fits. and downgraded my image more.

okay. i suppose that's all. sigh. there's band on monday, which i would usually like, since it frees up my middle of the week, just not next week, since it would have been friday,saturday and monday band. overdose!blogging just made me happier.

oh, and happy birthday dear. everybody, ADA WONG JO YAN is fifteen today! :)

2008-01-07T22:25:00.000+08:00

you know, once upon a time, i wanted to be like you?
someone whom people felt happy, comfortable with, who was willing to listen, to care.
someone whom people just liked to do nice stuff for, who never had a lack of friends.
who, whenever she felt down, would always be assured that help was just a phonecall away.
someone, who i thought would always be there for others.

you know what? im wrong. i overestimated you. you are just a person who believes in making herself happy, who values only the attention showered on by others. it doesn't seem to occur to you to try and give some attention back. that's you. the taker.
and it has always worked out, hasn't it? you never felt alone because someone would be there to GIVE her company, would be there when YOU need it. where's the vice-versa?
where's the promise made tonight, that you'll be there for them forever?

i'm not sure if you had lost any friends because of this. maybe you did. and maybe it didn't matter, because there's so many more anyway.
yes, you, the popular, smart, friendly, pretty leader, who has friends everywhere.
you showed me recently that it's so easy for someone to change, that i should have realised it earlier, that when you have one form of entertainment, that's all you need.

i just can't wait for my turn to be that entertainment anymore. you are a nice person, my friend, but remember, you ain't the only one needing attention.

2008-01-05T20:22:00.000+08:00

i have the burning desire to blog
not even small posts. but 5 long, worth-reading posts.
argh. due to time constraints, i will have to keep this burning, ultra-fatty desire till i'm free. which would probably mean friday.
oh man.

2008-01-01T00:01:00.000+08:00

hmm . what did i want to say?
oh yeah. its 12am already! happy new year everyone!
i hope 2008 will be a good year for me.

sec3 is a tough year, and i want to go through it well.
i know sec3 is the year
when we will go through trials and tribulations,
when we experience joy and sadness,
where our closest seniors step down from CCAs,
where we see people's true colours.
when we form lifelong friendships,
when our hearts get broken.

see how much i'm looking for to secondary3 life? xP

byebye, 2007. it's been a great year. i love my class to bits, but yes, i do like change.
and i can't wait for a new beginning.
-shit. that's on the first day of school.

2007-12-29T16:38:00.000+08:00

i had a great time yesterday!
although i waited for ages for charlene to come, we had a fun time in the end.
see? i don't need caroline.
blehhz. also, now i think that im going to love my class.
yes, my mood is swinging, but i believe that everything happens for a reason. i shouldn't worry too much about it. im sure God has a plan and purpose for everything:)
so yes 3S, despite all our differences, im glad im in such a special class.

how come, no matter what, you still keep popping up in my memory? that makes me even more determined for next year. i really badly want to achieve it. to show everyone that yes, i can. no matter how weak i look. i will be more like you.
and besides, this already shows im pretty close, doesn't it

2007-12-27T19:48:00.000+08:00

i saw the class list today.
and somehow, i feel disappointed. my class is so mixed up, im doubt we could be united.
because ever since p5, my classes were really united. even falcon was. and that's what i want to remember most of all when i leave school. to have been part of a wonderful, united class. we don't have to be the smartest, or the coolest, or the one that always wins. just to be united.

my class is what, a literature-music-art-history class. the only thing we have in common is ssgeog. fine. we are an ssgeog class. hah.

maybe im worrying too much. i didn't like 1/O too. but at least we had to stick together for everything, so it wasn't so bad. so i will grow to love my new class too. right?

can't wait for new year's eve. my one bright spot on the calendar.

2007-12-27T04:09:00.000+08:00

im back to blogging :)
*everybody screams and jumps up and down* ok fine.
sorry for virtually leaving this blog to rot. but i've been real busy.
and posting in the other blog as well.
anyway, i've many posts that i've been typing and saving in microsoft word.
not sure why, but just didn't want to post up.
anyway, will transfer them here.
i like my new blogskin :) makes me feel happy.
makes me wanna blog. haha.
soo. to the few who actually check here, im sorry. i will now be a more regular blogger. i hope.
its my new year resolution, but newyear resolutions usually don't last. get the idea?
ahh. i miss my friends, stephanie simin kimberley venus ada and of course, dear boo.
although i just saw her last tues, but it seems like a million years :(

oh yeah, its 4am now. i can't believe it too.
and dear, im in 3S :D
my 2nd fav class name.
my reg. no sucks though. im 33. again.
oh well, at least it brings back memories of yiying and science lab lessons :)
kq, im disappointed too, but it just wasn't meant to be i guess.

2007-11-27T23:56:00.000+08:00

back from camp!
i don't know when i will blog about COALs, but while it's still fresh in my memory, i shall post some important bits.

DAY1: i was the very first abseiler. i was super scared. way, damn scared . i was just glad that my belayer was ms ng. zura got mr chan :{ and i did it! after stepping on that silver bar, it was alright. i really enjoyed it. new experience no1 :)

it was zipline next. ahh. i was even more scared. can hear the metal screeching and people screaming. all my confidence just whoosh. gone. i did that 3rd last. it was SCARY. i just screamed and screamed. thanks for the comfort though ng, you helped me abit. when i stopped they said i screamed the loudest and longest :/ haha
i suppose it was fun, but i still don't wanna do it again. it hurts my poor, weak heart.

low elements. nothing much. very btc.. but the log thing. ergh. it was so hard to get the rope! the tyre was worse. that was pure teamwork. i was sort of immune to it already, we have done things like that during btcs, it was like nothing to just spot and lift each other. although inst. faith tried to help, we ran out of time. oh wells.

rockwall. sigh. i didn't manage to climb to the top. i was belayed by syazza, so we both very nervous. sorry for giving you such a hard time! my rock climbing skills just can't make it.

dinner was nice. we were all so hungry anyway. but bathing really truly sucked.
summary: too many people, too little time, too wet bathrooms = choke!

fire drill! oh my confusion, confusion. wend and zura were the 'captured' while shaomin and afiqah went to find. strength=7 :( but all's well that end's well. they were 'found'. surprisingly the most relaxing time during coals is when mspoon is in charge.

after that we didn't have performances as planned. instead there was a longgg debrief, by then we were all so sleepy. wendelynn kept worrying if there was time for her to brush teeth :P

i slept well. despite aeroplanes every 5 minutes.

DAY2: i woke up sleepily, walked sleepily and bumped into 3 instructors. sleepy me just blinked blinked. and then we all just walked away. ahh i felt so bad. that would teach me to not drag natalie along. haha.

okeh. outdoor cooking. sort of successful. in the sense that we were the last to cook, but at least the food was cooked. although it was twice as much as we could eat. shall not disclose what we did with the remainder.

water activity! i felt safest here, because there's no heights at all. making the raft was tiring and fun. although our raft fell apart even before going into the water, it could still float. and the camelot instr. considers it as a pass. so yay, good job to all 15 falcons :D

we went to rinse. the meaning of coals rinse is this: wearing your dirty clothes, enter the shower, drench yourselves, come out dripping wet, go to the dorm, grab clothes, go change.

An empty street, an empty house;
A hole inside my heart.
We'll be all alone, it's time to say goodbye now.

All the smiles;
And tears we shared;
All the times we had.
We'll keep them in our hearts;
we won't forget.

And all these while;
You've been amazing, Falcon.
We'd like to say;
We're proud of all of you.

So we'll say it once again;
All the good times that we shared.
When the skies are blue, to see you once again, our love.

All the seas from coast to coast, to find a place I love the most.
Where the skies are blue, to see you once again, our love.
- sang to the tune of My Love by Westlife.

2007-11-14T23:46:00.000+08:00

thanks for everything.
you made me realise, what true friendship is.
i really had a great time today.
time and distance dont matter in a real friendship.
its the heart, the willingness to care, the concern you are willing to give, the simple acts of genuine love.
you showed me that if i was willing not just to receive, in return, i would achieve much more.
without you, im nothing.

2007-11-09T01:31:00.000+08:00

my blog is dusty.
haha.
sorry. been busy with a lot of .. other things.
you may infer. haha.
anyway. was supposed to talk about last day of school, and open house right?
sorry lah. still no mood.
heh heh.
neh-mind.
just wait for my mood to swing. it always does(:
seeing that its a nonsense post, shall write something serious
:
i love my section :D we really rock.

dont do that anymore.
today really was so weird.
you two are really two of a kind, huh?

2007-10-27T00:30:00.000+08:00

hey girl. thanks for writing that on your blog. it was real sweet
and i just wanna say, yes , you're special to me too.
always willing to help and encourage others, and i like your one-man-shows!
also, you're real fun to tease and poke and pinch and you know, torture.
you're one of the honoured ones:)
and for that, i dedicate an entire post to you.
i love 'our daily doses of (:'
especially that 'but everybody else could tell.. cos now, even i could tell' song.
i know you know what i mean.
you're a great friend k, and dont worry, we'll still be morning bus partners!
see you monday, and remember, I LOVE YOU caroline:D
aww, that was wayy too sweet.

COALs

2007-10-24T00:28:00.000+08:00

BTC is tiring.
seriously. it sorts of drains ur energy away.
like, when you reach home, and bathe and eat and lie on your bed, then you'll feel the tiredness just like, idunno, seeping through.
ok weird descr.

anyway today was pretty fun.
we did knots, and the spiderweb thing was pretty cool. sigh, 2 forfeits.
and we made up a new cheer:) that's why we rock your world:D
haha. i liked the evacuation thing. special reason.
oh, and the campfire songs were pretty dumb, but now i can see why ~~YingYing~~ instructor YingYing is in the campfire dept.

ok tmr is orienteering. i have no idea what's that. some compass-y stuff i think.
i like my groupmates more and more now. they're all nice. ALL 10 of them :)

yes so this post is in random, amateur english, but i dont have energy to do it the syahirah way.
so. that's it. bye loves.

thanks for today.
you really made me smile.
with your antics, your actions.
now i can remember how it feels like again.
yours is a greater motivation.
thank you.
for she really reminds me of Her.

QUIZ

2007-10-14T19:19:00.000+08:00

found this quiz on syahirah's blog.

1.What does the oldest text message inyour inbox say?
Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me n b my fren 4eva.

2. What was the last song you sang out loud?
Never Underestimate a Girl by Vanessa Hudgens.

3. Do you have any nicknames?
Yes. Nikki?

4. Who was the last person to message you?
My dad

5. What time did you go to bed last night?
About 1.00 am.

6. Are you currently happy?
Yup.

7. When was the last time you cried?
A few months ago?

8. Who gives you the best advice?
Um. Syahirah. And caroline.

9. Do you eat whipped cream straight?
Nope. I hate whipped cream

10. Who did you talk on the phone with last?
Mum

11. Is anything bugging you right now?
Besides results? COALs, and my illness. Ergh.

12. What was the last thing to make you laugh?
SOME interview.

13. Does anything hurt on your body?
My butt.

14. Who is the last person you missed a call from?
Carina.

15. Have you ever had your heartbroken?
HAH.

16. What annoys you most in a person?
I dunno.. Lack of tact when speaking?

17. Do you have a crush on anyone?
If I do, its not something I would publicly announce, yeah.

18. Have you ever done cocaine?
Nope.

19. What is the color of your room?
Cream

20. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars?
Definitely not!!

21. Do you believe in the saying "talk is cheap?"
No.

22. Who was the last person to lay in your bed besides yourself?
Caroline and Charlene?

23. Who was the last person to hug you?
Mum.

24. Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed?
Errr. I don't remember who I kissed last.

25. Do you have a life?
Yes, I do.

26. Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't?
HUHH. No.

27. Do you own an iPod?
Nope. Hopefully soon, though.

28. What is the reason behind your myspace song?
No myspace.

29. Who was the last person you saw in person?
My family.

30. What is your favorite Michael Jackson song?
'Heal the World.'

31. Last time you smiled?
Sometime today.

32. Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?
no.

33. Have you changed this year?
Yes.

34. What are you listening to right now?
Promise by Vanessa Hudgens.

35. Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
Nope. MSN counted?

36. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
?!? Open LAH.

37. Is there a quote you live by?
Err. Not really. Its definitely not “ its not whether you WANT or not, its whether you CAN or not” though.

38. Do you want someone you can't have?
Yes.

39. Have you ever played an instrument?
Recorder, keyboard, guitar, and of course, my CLARINET :D

40. Whats the worst idea you've had this week?
Dunno.

41. What were you doing last night at 11?
Watching DVDs.

42. Are you happy with your love life right now?
Well, seeing as I don’t have one, no.

43. What song describes your love life?
Whatever will be by Vanessa Hudgens.

44. Does the person you like know you like them?
No.

45. Who always makes you laugh?
Loads of people! But mostly Stephanie and syahirah

46. Do you speak any other languages?
Mandarin?

47. Are you a blonde?
No.

48. What's your middle name?
Middle name is non-existent.

49. What are you doing tomorrow?
Watching movies with my singing buds : ))

50. Who is your best friend?
Loads. I’ll rather not name. Names start with ‘C’ and ‘S’, though.

--------------------------------------------------------

1.The phone rings, who do you want it to be?
Close friends I can talk non-stop with.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Yup.

3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?
Yes.

4. Do you take compliments well?
Kind of. I think.

5. Do you play Sudoku?
Yes.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
Probably not.

7. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you would save?
My family.

8. Who was the last person you slept in the bed with?
Single sized bed.

9. Who do you text the most?
Umm, dunno, syahirah I guess.

10. Favorite children's book?
If harry potter is still counted as a children’s book, then yeah.

11. Eye color?
Dark brown.

12. How tall are you?
Not tall enough. 160cm

13. If you could do it over again, start from scratch, would you?
Always.

14. Any secret admirers?
I quote Syahirah who quoted Amirah, "If it's a secret, I wouldn't know, now would I?" But anyway, I doubt it. Admirers right? Not stalkers?

15. When was the last time you were at Starbucks?
Years ago.

17. Where was the farthest place you traveled?
Um. US?

18. Do you like mustard?
Yep. Just recently.

19. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Eat! ((:

20. Do you miss anyone?
Yes.

21. Can you do splits?
When I was seven.

23. What movie do you want to see right now?
SECRET. Which im watching via dvd tomorrow :)

24. What did you do for New Year's Eve?
watched the countdown.

25. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
What’s that?

26. Do you own a camera phone?
Duh.

27. Was your mom a cheerleader?
HAHAHH. no.

28. What is the last letter of your middle name?
No middle name.

29. Are you hispanic?
Since I don’t know what’s Hispanic, then nope.

30. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
7. Sometimes 8.

31. Do you like care bears?
Yes!

32. What do you buy at the Movies?
Sweet popcorn, nachos, Ice lemon tea.

33. Do you know how to play poker?
I think so.

34. Do you wear your seatbelt?
all the time.

35. What do you wear to sleep?
Pyjamas.

37. Is your hair straight or curly?
Wavy.

38. Is your tongue pierced?
EWWW.

39. Do you like Liver and Onions?
Separately, yes. Not together.

40. Do you like funny or serious people better?
Both, You need a balance in your life. (:

41. Ever been to L.A.?
Nah.

42. Who is on your mind right now?
No one, actually.

43. Any plans for tonight?
Go on a date with the net, watch dvds.

44. Whats your fav. song at the moment?
colours of the wind, still there for me, never underestimate a girl, say ok, it takes two, i can hear the bells, mama,im a big girl now, everyday, you are the music in me and gotta go my own way.

45. Do you hate chocolates?
They’re ok. I don’t have a craving, though

46. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
Uhh. I dunno, tons of stuff.

47. Are you a gullible person?
I wish I am.

48. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
Are you kidding me? What do you think?

49. If you could have any job what would it be?
Interior designer.

50. Are you easy to get along with?
No. I thought I was, but I was wrong.

quizzzesssss.

2007-10-14T11:34:00.000+08:00

just to clear my whole archive of blogthings.
see, i dont take quiz and post them up straight away.
i take looads and use them later on as fill-spacers.
uhhuh

Your EQ is 133

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!
51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.
71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.
91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.
111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.
131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.
150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

yay-yuh! (to quote somebody)

You've Been Bit By the Shopping Bug!

You're constantly adding to your wardrobe - and it showsHowever, you can show some restraint. You love good deals.Your love of the clearance rack has paid off...You probably have only maxed out card or two, if at all!

Are You a Shopaholic?

sigh. carina and charmaine are right.

You Are 32% Bipolar

Overall, you're a pretty stable person. You may be a bit moody, but nothing out of what's normal.As long as your emotions aren't severe, you're totally in control!

Are You Bipolar?

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

haha. really?

Your Attitude is Better than 35% of the Population

You have an average attitude. You take the good and bad in life as they come. Though sometimes you could use a little more good.

How's Your Attitude?

thanks.

You Are 44% Brutally Honest

Honesty is important to you, but generally, you try not to be brutal about it.You'll sugar coat the truth when you need to... and tell a white lie when necessary.

How Brutally Honest Are You?

ooh. now you know.

Your Mind is PG-13 Rated

Your mind is definitely a little dirty. You're naughty, but not trashy.You don't shy away from a dirty joke, and you're clearly not a prude.

Do You Have a Dirty Mind?

ha. take that, stephanie!

You Are 44% Slacker

You are a bit of a slacker - though you can pull it together and live a somewhat normal life.If you're young, this is probably a phase you'll outgrow. And if you're already grown up, you need to get off the couch a bit more!

Are You a Slacker?

sigh. i hope its a phase.

You Sometimes Don't Get Enough Sleep

You're often more tired than you'd like, and you're probably not getting enough quality sleep.Sleeping a little more could make you a lot more energetic and happy.Try having a bedtime, keep your bedroom cool, and only eat fruit before bed.

Do You Get Enough Sleep?

ok.

2007-10-13T01:14:00.000+08:00

hmm.today and yesterday was fun
char, carol and i are on a roll
a hiding-in-the-foodcourt-staircase-and-looking-like-we-are-on-drugs-or-smoking-but-actually-doing-something-very-innocent-called-singing-and-recording-hsm-songs roll
yup.
i lost track of the number of times we have recorded songs.
but it's a lot,believe me.
and i lost track of the mistakes somebody keeps on making.
especially today :/
okay girls; monday's a date!
let's make it special :)

i miss you.
thanks for always being there.
in the past.
yet, now when everything is catching up with us,
we have lost that connection with each other
we both know it, yet we deny
its like being in denial is all i ever do.
why did we have to change in different directions?
i dont wanna lose you like i lost all the rest, i really dont.
please agree.

MEEEEEEEEE!!

2007-10-06T01:55:00.000+08:00

eok exams are over.
but im not really in that exams-are-over mood. hmm.

sherilyn is in love with Yan's butter waffle.
piping hot and fragrant, at $1.20 only! with looads of planta margarine.
ok sherilyn has just finished advertisement.
these few days, she has cultivated an unhealthy diet of hiphop jelly and butter waffle.
chances of sherilyn getting fat are higher than usual.
sherilyn also thinks that she is going to watch movie after movie.
finally, sherilyn agrees that sleepovers are always fun :D

sherilyn is sorry that the post is full of her name, but sherilyn just cant help it.
sherilyn says bye.

sherilyn shall not be nikki.

2007-09-13T21:33:00.000+08:00

saw this on aqila's blog. ok let me have a go(:

1. YOUR REAL NAME- sherilyntan
2. YOUR GANGSTER NAME (first 3 letters of your name, plus izzle)- sheizzle!
3. YOUR "FLY Guy/Girl" NAME (initial of first name, first 3 letters of your last name)- stan (eew)
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME (fav color* and fav animal^)- orange penguin [omgosh!]
5. YOUR DRUNK NAME (first 3 letters of your first name, then slam the keyboard)- shekjdz
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's name)- tanshels
7. SUPERHERO NAME (fav color* and fav drink)- orange lemon barley [right...]
8. IRAQI NAME (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 3rd letter of your mom's maiden name, letter of a sibling's first name, last letter of your mom's middle name)- hniejg
9. ACT CUTE NAME (write your fav animal^ and erase the last letter of it and add a 'yoki' behind)- penguiyoki
10. SMELLY NAME (write your fav color* and add a 'TOIL' in front of it)- toil-orange! =D

ok that was way dumb.
but i like my drunk name though. and my actcute name.
my iraqi one is unpronouncable.
toil-orange is not smelly at all :P

alright people. footloose shall be the next big movie musical and i plan on watching it. although it aint even in production yet. it better dont come out around examtime. hmph. buhbye..

2007-09-09T23:36:00.000+08:00

ok. supposed everyone has watched hsm2 already.
guess what? i watched it on sat morning, 3.30am to 5am.
yup. i so rock haha.
although the video quality wasn't good. but still.
for a girl with no disney access. its the best.
if you want the link, ask me :D

yay. glad the vanessa ripples are over.
sherilyn does not want another gabriella montez.
im not a huge fan, but i dont like change.

and that applies for ALL areas.
if you know what i mean.

2007-09-05T21:23:00.000+08:00

whee. just re-read harrypotter.
because, i, unlike 97% of the population, have not read the 7th book yet.
obviously i dont own it.
but i, unlike the 97%, can resist the temptation to buy until after exams.
hopefully the price will drop by then:D

anyway. this is my new favourite phrase. haha
"i am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick" - Prof Flitwick, after he was blasted by a water sprout from Dean/Seamus (cant rmb)

yup. thats all.
just wanted to say that
ohfart.
there's band tmr.
= mr ong.
lets just hope he doesnt continue his reign as King Boring

-5 mins later-
shit. i havent revised yet. and its gonna be THURSDAY.
to quote:
"im gonna die. im gonna like, die." - Joy, after her 1st, (and probably last) kbox session.

2007-09-05T01:36:00.000+08:00

ok i have no idea what i am doing still awake at 1:37am on a WED morning, but yeah, here i am.
hmm. i suppose i cant sleep. not after a ~~nice~~ verynice 3-1/2 hr nap just now:D
woke up at 6:30pm. napped after i ate. hmm. my pig routine is starting again.

alright, today band was super crappy. that's like the only word suitable. crappy.
-ahh. listening to hairspray's soundtracks. they rock.-
ahem. yes back. so. today there was band from 8:30 to 1.
and i reached school at 8:10.
well.. then mrs lim came in and talked for a loong time about the camp, and moving out, and the trip....................................
the general, summarised version is this:

20something oct: open house
1-3 nov: band trip
19 - 23 nov: packing all our stuff
19 nov: band farewell
20 nov: official day school is moving out.
24 nov onwards: holiday time!
21 dec: sec1 orientation (showcasing)

ta-daa. then mrong came. sigh. and we were discussing merrywidow, like when to breathe and stuff. i tell it, it was soo.. sleep-inducing, to put it in a nice way. somehow we endured the 4-1/2 hours.
then i rushed home. uh-huh. didnt even wait for celeste. although i did sya another favour:D
yup that's all folks.

oh and aqila, for the last time, i like to swim too.

2007-08-26T22:17:00.000+08:00

yah i suppose i owe u'all a apology.
erm maybe im not so interested in blogging anymore,
or maybe im just frustrated i dont have my own style unlike syahirah,
but i wont be blogging so often.
and that's saying something since im already an infrequent blogger.
so maybe i will only update every 3 weeks,
2 weeks, tops.

and onwards to happier things!
okay a short summary of my life so far,
hmm, projects-wise, finally not much.
only left the music thing and the idiot math games one.
which reminds me, i have to practice.
unlike what most people think, im not playing the clarinet for my music thingy.
i like piano, so i wanna give that a go.
unless i really cant make it, then at least i got a good backup:)
although my playing isnt pro or anything,
still, its a one-and-a-half years! more than piano.

what else? oh this week band was ok.
practiced the songs for our sunday performance, which i just did 6 hours ago.
more on that later.
so, anyway. we kicked out merry widow and lion king.
a pity, actually, because merry widow is cool while lion king is more song-y than band-y.
hope you understood that:D
yah, but we werent ready. so, yep, buhbye.
anyway. today was a busy day for me.
second chance movie was fab, and i got a cab real quick.
and caroline wasnt THAT mad at me. yippee.

ahem. and i reached school around 1:50.
avoided perc section. haha but sya saw me anyway.
reached ecp at 3:40. the sun was burning. like, BURNING,
and we were just standing there. ergh.
yeah well we started performing at 4, and if i thought just now was bad, this was worse.
sitting down there, we were all just sweating and sweating. at least just now it was all heat, no sweat u know? and after every single song i would just be wiping my sweat.
it was horrible.
but i survived. haha
and the thing is, ms sia came!
i didnt even know luh, she was standing at trombone there,
i was in the first row, couldn't have known could i?
well, at least i played with less stress.
mr ong was there too, but, you know. not such a big deal.

yah then everything was more or less ok.
laughed a lot with my section, all thanks to aqila.
she really is a funny senior.
yeah its nice being her junior.
and as usual she always carry the heavy perc instruments:)
while i get the light stuff. muahahaha

then i went home with sya.
my lovely brother hi.
and now she knows both the silent and the psycho laugh.
bought my charkwayteow.
had a happy dinner:D

okay tootles.

E X A M S

2007-08-19T00:05:00.000+08:00

well, have decided to just update a little. because i dont like to keep you people waiting impatiently, ya know?
ok. so i think that xanga's pretty cool.
so maybe the whole reason i switched to blogspot from mindsay years ago was because blogspot is more known.
but i still wanna try xanga:) some day.

like now there's this slight exam buzz? e
veryone's been talking about mugging, and i suppose i should too.
the whole problem is i keep thinking its really far away, although that's crap.
its really near but to me english and chinese dont really count, see?
and its like i think, oh its the first week of october, we aint even at sept yet so i got a long way to go, cos october is like when mooncake festival is over, and that's not even here yet so i am in this whole denial mode.

yeah sorry just needed to get that out.
sometimes i really want to be people like steph and joy and yiying and jinhui and all.
people who just mugmugmug and then when exams over its like whew cos they know they did well.
and sorry no offence sya, but i dont wanna be like you.
who is like me,
and sort of does things real slowly and then when exams are like, next week i burn the midnight oil.

ok my sentences are too long.
another reason i dont want exams? they mean the end of year is coming. which equals to different classes.
and although i dont love my class to bits or anything, i know that i wont be able to be with my friends in the same class again.
definitely not ALL of them.
and that sucks.
i just hate separation.
or rather, changes.
look my class can be annoying sometimes.
and also quite nerdy when we just all studying together.
but that's what im used to.
and its great being united, our class really is.
i dont know if we are having a class chalet or anything, but i hope so.
i dont even mind THAT gang, if it makes the whole thing feel more class-y.
going to a whole new class, and starting over again?
so not my cup of tea.

ohfart.
yeah i know i shouldnt be blogging.
but it helped me to vent.
thanks blog :D
*pats her blog on the head*
today had 3 uber long conv. with syahirah.
she's the <3. thanks babe.
you really always help me feel better.
i enjoyed laughing like a 'psycho'

my week in a nutshell.

2007-07-29T00:47:00.001+08:00

this week was nuts.

First there was napfa five items on monday, which i sucked at, which gave us muscle aches until thursday at least. shoulders, stomach and legs. except for caroline however, who has what she calls 'steel legs' and they dont hurt at all. Aint life so unfair sometimes?

After that we had ndp rehearsal, which was another dark, gloomy afternoon. it rained, AGAIN. aqila wasnt there so us clar3 girls struggled with under the double eagle and washington post. but it was okay.
then there was this long period of time when no one was doing anything.
all the UG were just standing there, we were just sitting, and the teachers were just talking.
no one was doing anything!!
it was a serious waste of time, that monday. finally, we just started practicing again.
played i spy. haha still remember aqila's ego-ness. note to self: remember it is very big.
they gave us a break, which everyone just started buying food. including myself of course, but sya was still practicing. yeah, she deserves her snare drum part.
then at about 5:15 we packed up. i didnt help the percussion though, because we did on friday and it was TIRING. so, yeah.

Tuesday rolled around, and it brought chinese oral along. Band was cancelled that day because we just had ndp rehearsal. Naturally i felt cheated of one free day.
The really dumb thing about chinese oral was that it was by class. A, M, P, I, O . as compared to english oral, which had a set teacher for a class, chinese oral was basically, just sit wherever and you get that teacher. it was all rather unfair, really.
and because it was by class, we were last!! i mean, 2A people probably all left by 3, and we only started at 4pm!!!! ergh. at least it wasn't by register order, as i previously thought.
so i still managed to go home with caroline :)
however, i was unfortunate enough to get my form teacher, who is really alert and strict. that day during chinese period she had already briefed us on the do's and don'ts. i committed quite a number of don'ts, and almost no do's at all!
needless to say, when i got back my marks on wed( they're that fast!), i didnt do very bad. so-so, but clearly i could have done better.

Ahh. wednesday. we had chinese listening comprehension, which was no big deal.
i got 18/20 :)
they gave back our marks on thursday. how efficient. if only mrs jai and mrs franklin could be that fast. But i musnt wish the impossible:)
Band was rather horrible. mr ong came, so we had a tiring 2 hours. smart of ng to not come.
the sec3s were involved in this national day video thing after band.
i had the 'one united people' song stuck in my head the rest of the day after aqila sang it.

thursday. lemme see. oh yes, how could i have forgotten? community singing.
music was our 2nd period, and there was this whole bunch of china exchange students.
we sang this year's theme song, 'there's no place i'll rather be' . which isnt very nice. or suitable.
but music that day was fun.
then, barely 2 periods later, we had community singing during reading. singing the SAME song. then we sang 'one united people', 'home' and 'where i belong' .
they wanted us to sing 'will you', the other theme song for this year. but our protesting made them change their minds :D
seriously, that song sucks.
the ndp songs these days are getting worse. to be honest, i can only remember 'where i belong' , 'home', 'we will get there' , 'one united people' and a bit of 'reach for the skies'.
i dont even know what's last year's. of course, the singapore classics are still the best. like singapore town, stand up for singapore, count on me singapore & we are singapore, singaporeans. and the one which had the pledge in it. cant remember the title.
during math remedial, it was raining heavily. so ndp rehearsal was cancelled. good. had sectionals instead. mr ong came again, though:(
well, suppose you cant have everything in life.

friday! had this horrible hall performance that was wayy boring for me. but terribly exciting for everyone else, so it seemed. really glad that we could leave early at 1:30 :P
ate my minced meat noodle. there wasn't jogging on fri due to the rain, so everyone stayed in class.
i bought another school shirt, but then the queue for the noodles was wayy long. so i ate chicken rice instead :/
anyways, the survey wasnt bad. just the normal fast kind. then we all played in the lab. yiying & simin with their intelligent 'blob' game, me with 'diner dash' and caroline & jieshi with 'the impossible quiz'.
went tm with caroline. we were at the popular area when we bumped into my dad! haha. then we wanted to take photo with the simpsons.
stood there for ages, in the end people keep asking us to take picture for them. finally we got nicenice pictures.
stupid caroline, took over 5 shots for me. everyone was looking. whereas for her, it was so quick and painless. plus she was the one that said it would be embarrasing.

okay. im going to play impossible quiz now :)

so maybe my week's nutshell was bigger than i thought

UPDATES! at last.

2007-07-15T22:03:00.001+08:00

finally am online. last time i was online was last saturday:(
well, soo much stuff has been happening and i dont know where to begin.
i have about two minutes to blog. am supposed to be doing art.

anyway. national day is coming!
i still cant play bar32 of school song, but at least we aint playing that.
im getting better with made in sg, and spore town. yippee.
ok im packed this wk. there's literature practice tomorrow, and band from tues-fri.
ndp rehearsal, see. on racialharmonyday somemore. so sian right?
borrowing saree from dhaky. hope she remembers. or else.. tuesday. duh.

i wonder if im wearing band uniform the whole day for national day?
hmm. i only have white OP skirt though. which is kinda short. aiya. i doubt they will catch me. right? RIGHT?
right.

our leaders stepped down on tuesday, ongsia day. ms sia didnt come though. we ate alot. secones didnt help la. just smile smile then never eat. hmph. i was full to bursting. after that we gave out presents. clar was 1st. we gave an umbrella, and a silver tincan with beach stuff. they got bandking and bandqueen handwritten. plus stuff like a burger kitchentimer and goodnessknows-what else.
mr ong looked really funny(and abit dumb) with a BURGERKING crown and holding the umbrella and tincan :)
the leaders came out as a surprise. not all, but some i would never thought they would become leaders. yay, two clar leaders again. just like old times(:
but i was sad too. sad that.. that aqila didnt get in. i thought she would.
i dontknow if she was sad too, for she had a happy face, but i think she was.
i mean, anyone would feel abit of disappointment at least, right?
hey aqila, just want you to know you're a great senior k. always reminding me of my sharps and flats. luvya!

what else? oh ya.
yesterday i had canvas art. veryvery fun. we (regionA) budgeted for 3hours, then they said there was 4!!
all 9 of us were slumped beside the wall from 1.05 to 2.10, while other regions were still slogging(:
everyone's art was very different. the theme was SOULS, and my group used expressionism. it looked like the art gallery type.
regionB was more kiddish. like lalaland. like the tkk(children's ministry) kind
C used dull colours, and painted candles and flames etc. more mural.
and D just looked like a poster.
still dontknow the results. i think A and C stand the best chance.

after that, at 2.30, my dad finally agreed to let me go out with my friends.
talked 3way with caroline and charlene.
we met up at cineorchard. i was soo early, walked around aimlessly for 20minutes. getting boreder and boreder. spotted some nice tees though.
caroline came. yays. because the bus and train all nice timing.
stupid char was still waiting for bus. ergh.
caroline and i went on a silly lift adventure. her fault.
the saying 'look before you leap' aptly describes what happened.
found out there were no nice movies, harrypotter and transformers all sold out. in the end we just had fun browsing, and yeah, it was rather fun.
on the way home, we were like, super high.
lets just say the end result was
charlene was a silvercoloured statue named boob-y because of her coconut shells,
simin was a colour changing bird(using acid & alkali)
while jasmine tan was a bulldog covered with canalwater :DDD

thanks gals. i had fun :)

2007-07-07T01:17:00.000+08:00

havent updated since goodness knows when.
i was planning to, but you know, important events keep a girl busy :)
anyways, im really tired and sleepy.. so its just blogthings.
some are true, although i saved a few ridiculous ones for a good laugh.
enjoy ladies, and i promise to update the next time im free and sober :D

What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You

You are a very considerate person, but that doesn't mean you let people walk all over you.

You spend a lot on clothes, and you tend to be a very dresser. However, it's hard for you to throw away trendy clothes when they go out of style.

You have the perfect blend of confidence and class. You're proud of who you are - but you don't broadcast it.

In relationships, you are practical and realistic. You have a romantic side, but you only let it out when it's appropriate.

What Do Your Bathroom Habits Say About You?

You Are: 50% Dog, 50% Cat

You are a nice blend of cat and dog.
You're playful but not too needy. And you're friendly but careful.
And while you have your moody moments, you're too happy to stay upset for long.

Are You More Cat or Dog?

You Are 59% Open

You are a fairly open person, but you also like to maintain your privacy.
You definitely will tell all (okay, almost all) to your closest friends...
But strangers and acquaintances only get a peek into your life.

How Open Are You?

You Have Low Self Esteem 36% of the Time

Generally, you feel pretty darn great about who you are, even when you mess up or fail.
Occasionally, a huge setback will make you question yourself, but you pick yourself up quickly.

How is Your Self Esteem?

You Are 63% Perfectionist

You are a true perfectionist. You are both demanding of yourself and others.
While it's great to have goals and standards, they don't need to be sky high!

Are You a Perfectionist?

How You Live Your Life

You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is.
You say whatever is on your mind. Other people's reactions don't phase you.
Your friends tend to be as quirky as you are - which is saying a lot!
You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

You Communicate With Your Body

This isn't as bad as it sounds, it just means that you're a "touchy-feely" person.
You need a lot of affection in your life. And for you, this means both giving and receiving little touches.
Warm hearted, you bond with people easily. In fact, you often feel a little sad when you're not in the company of others.
A little moody, you tend to be controlled by your emotions. But a bit hug always comforts you!

How Do You Communicate?

You Are 40% Intuitive

You're definitely an intuitive person, but you never go on your gut alone.
You tend to be more analytical than intuitive - possibly because your intuition has failed you in the past.
When you don't have enough facts to make a decision, you don't mind listening to your gut to figure out what to do.

How Intuitive Are You?

Your Vocabulary Score: B

You have a zealous love for the English language, and many find your vocabulary edifying.
Don't fret that you didn't get every word right, your vocabulary can be easily ameliorated!

How's Your Vocabulary?

You Are Pretty Logical

You're a bit of a wizard when it comes to logic
While you don't have perfect logic, you logic is pretty darn good
Keep at it - you've got a lot of natural talent in this area!

How Logical Are You?

(DONE)

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge.
In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead!
And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in.
Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.

How Sarcastic Are You?

You are a Balanced Babe!

You're direct and to the point, but never dramatic
You've got the confidence to speak your mind to anyone
But you leave the theatrics to Hollywood
Level headed and emotionally stable, no wonder everyone loves you

Are You a Drama Queen?

that should be enough to satisfy you people. more in future!

2007-06-24T21:46:00.000+08:00

i have 7 and a half hours to go before opening my eyes at the start of term3.
ergh. i hate school.
ok i dont really hate school school
just. school.
ok i dont make sense.
gotta go.
grabbing as much sleep as possible.
ciao!

2007-06-24T02:11:00.000+08:00

HEY PEOPLE. IM BAACK!!
what a short hiatus i have. of 3 days. haha
anyway, here's the new layout, as u can see.
oh, but im lazy to type a description of myself
well, i am me. just plain old lazy thin-haired me.
didnt change. uh-huh.
still as bad as sports as ever.
still suck at chinese.
added a few more friends.
er. same name. same house. same room.
different email add.
alright this is stupid.
goodbye.

2007-06-21T22:12:00.001+08:00

*shuffles to the computer*
-starts typing...

hey ppl.
just wna let you know
might take hiatus.
dont want to blog
will have new layout soon
oh, and a description of me again.
sigh.

*shuffles away*

untitled.

2007-06-09T22:30:00.000+08:00

hey people sorry for not updating for so long! was kind of busy, and there wasnt much going on in my life anyway. except going to my cousin's wedding.. very boring, notnice food and i forgot to sell my shf tickets to my largeee group of relatives. im soo smart ehh?

sigh.
i feel kinda depressed.
why??!

ok im in the mood for emo-ing. maybe its due to the lack of ..erm, school?? *thinks about the homework* ok maybe not. but just feel like things are kinda weird. maybe im not a holiday person.
im more of those fixed routine kind, like u need to force me to sit down and well, do stuff. otherwise i can just rot away.
at least i managed to convince my dad to let me go for section outing on thursday(: yay that was fun.
played a lot of tablesoccer in adidas, much to the store employee's displeasure.oh yes, and air hockey. (why do they call it air hockey anyway? we are playing on a table aint we??)
woke up yesterday with an aching right arm. the most exercise i had in 2weeks!! heh, im a lazy one.shrek3 was ok. abit waste of money, if u ask me. well, i suppose i wont be able to go for a class outing then. if it even exists.

hmm. i said i was in the mood for emo-ing, didnt i? ok start now.
i cant/am/not..u get the idea:
-write witty and engaging posts like syahirah and sweejin, my band senior;
-draw good characters like jieshi;
or comic ones like meitian;
(i only have a bit of 'creativity' )
-be photogenic like caroline, azel and my sister;
-play as well as ng and jiahui;
-as well liked as amirah, simin, yiying, syahirah and caroline;
-socialise as good as charmaine and carina;
-have handwriting as nice as angeline, ada and my sister;
-bike,skateboard,skate,bowl,iceskate,dance,sing...
-play sports/run well at all unlike charlene,caroline,amirah,jinhui
basically, i just suck

ok that's about it. will add more depressing facts about me when i remember. im sure there's more :/