its 11:53 pm, 31 dec 2009
the last 7 minutes of the year.
what a thought.

2009 has been one of the fastest years ever. maybe its because of O's, and SYF(which now seems like eons ago), and the fact that we were to graduate from our secondary sch life forever.
looking back, i have a slight twinge of regret, like i didn't treasure the moments enough, and what if my sec sch friends turned out to be my friends for life and i lost the opportunity to be even closer such that when we met 15 years down the road we could say more than just the awkward " Hi, how are you?"
"I'm fine, thanks. You?"
which is always said to ease the tension and not for true meaning.

11:57 pm
3 more mins. those with fast clocks are probably writing out their sms of well wishes, hoping that the next year would be better. i think every year is the same. some have more drama, ups and downs, its true. but when you look back, it does not mean anything. every year blends in with those from the past, and those moments which you wanted to dig a hole and bury yourself seem insignificant and small, and you laugh for thinking that was the end of your life.

12:00 am, 2010
its midnight. usually an ordinary midnight, but supposedly this midnight is worth celebrating, since its the beginning of a new year. i always found countdowns ridiculous. why should this midnight be unlike any other? its 2010 now. so? i never want years to end. like everyday is slipping through your fingers, and there's nothing you can do to hold on to them. you can only watch them pass, and decide to be positive, and countdown to the next year, all the while knowing the days will slip past, just as before. people never really change.

12:03 am
well. i have no idea why my post became all philosophical and weird. it just became that way.
i don't make new year resolutions. whatever for? i know i could never keep to them.
you would never break what you never make.
just like if you had no hopes, you would never be disappointed.

12:05 am
bye 2009. it has left for a full 5mins. if i didn't have the clock, i would never have known. cos i don't feel different, at all. more than 10mins ago i was sitting here, typing. and now i'm sitting here, typing.
i remember last year's 31dec. or should i say, 2008's.
my family had all gone to bed, except my sis, who was out. i switched on the tv, watched the last 5mins, watched the countdown, and switched it off, and went back doing whatever i was doing.
yes yes, that's me, the abnormally calm and unhigh at supposedly necessary high moments.
now you know.

12:09 am
all that i experienced in the past one year, it feels like a dream. the kind that you wake up halfway and want to go back to it, but you never can.
i suppose i would miss 2009. is it possible to miss a year?
my prom is tmr, strictly speaking. i honest to goodness hope it's fun.
give or take 10days, i'll receive my results. another 10+ days, i'll know where i'll be for the next few years. my new life path. the time where all my friends really do get scattered. and if i go -, i'll reunite with some. idk. we shall see.
perhaps i don't like this new year because i don't know where i'll be going. perhaps in 2010's 31dec, i'll like 2011.
2011. looks so weird and alienish.

12:13 am
i'm done. i don't think i'll ever be the countdown type, unless its at TC.
have a wonderful year, everyone.

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christmas is coming.

i realise i have nothing to comment on the matter.
i'm not feeling the spirit, at all.

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AVATAR ROCKS(:
that's all i can say! my show starts in 7mins. haha
thanks J, for pei-ing me on short notice. although you were so late. but nvm. i know you had fun too.
i mean, you got your nail buffed for free!
and i bought nail polish. what a girly vainy thing to do.
i guess im girly and vainy then.

saw the tp ad during engwah comm. i REALLY don't know where to choose!!

bye~

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after updating my ipod, it says that it can't be synced, unknown error.
so i had to restore it to its original settings.
in other words, start over again as if it was brand new.
putting 800+ songs in is going to be .... .
sigh.

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recently i have been holing up in my room, using the comp, watching videos, and sleeping.
what a horrible, unhealthy lifestyle i'm leading.
on one hand, i can't wait for school to start, no matter where i'm going. i kind of miss the student lifestyle, of studying and sleeping late and being tired and having to wake up early and drag myself to school and being high on mondays.
yeah i miss that.

on the other hand, i'm really nervous about what the future holds for me. in my heart i know where i most want to go, but i also know that it would be hard for me to fit in. i'm worried about what to choose, and if i made a wrong decision that i'll regret for life.

i don't know what to do.





/edit.
i went eastpt to get some dingdongs, and met someone in a cedar garde tee.
yesyes THERESA, its you!
haha was really surprised to see you, and very happy. haven't seen your face since 13nov, which is a lifetime ago :/
plus, you all went out without me :S
so 不乖. tsktsk.
even though we talked for like, 1 min, it was great! i'll be waiting for you to 約me(:

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christmas season is in the air! december is really the fastest month ever, and 2009 flew by way too fast for my liking.
lots of friends are overseas now, making me bored bored bored.

just thinking about how this year started, how all the stress started to build up, how 4S changed, how I changed. and how we all had one goal, to end Os.

and now, in dec alr, it's been a month since we ended O levels, and its been so surreal.
right now, it was hard to believe that about a month ago, my focus was just studying mugging cramming for exams. and now i'm just.. existing. not really living. it's weird to think that i would see all the people i have grown familiar with, for 4 years, one last time, on results day.
that actually, secondary life had ended, without me really comprehending.
it seems so unceremonious. after the last paper, just walking out of the school gates.

maybe i'm just too sentimental for my own good.

anyway. it's christmas time, which means lots of shopping and splurging, i hope.
i'm in terrible lack of tops. and shoes, for that matter.
hope this christmas would be a good one.

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been going out every weekend with my parents. it's rather enjoyable actually, seeing that im probably in the minority group of teens, esp 16yearolds that would actually want to shop with their parents. and when i mean shop, it usually means i don't buy anything. just the action OF shopping.
don't really know why i'm even typing this. but anyway, i actually had a dream about blogging. that i was blogging about the christmas season. hmm wonder why.

last weekend, 6th Dec, went out with M at last.
as if to make up for everything. i think we did have fun, met at .. plaza sing for scrapbooking + daiso, hopped over to bugis for piano + neoprints + icecream.
missed taking nps for a while.
i have no pics, unfortunately.
then i went to raffles city to meet my parents, had dinner there, before going to orchard central to get my crumpler and shop there.
dhoby ghaut. bugis. city hall. somerset. 4 mrt stns in a day. wow.


btw, i love the WOW mv. the song not so much, but the dance.. HOT(:

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im so frustrated right now. so frustrated and so very upset. i dont even know how to tyrpe properly. why doesn't anyone understand me? i don't have the dong li to continue, i want to continue lessons, i want to learn more things. i hate to sit there and know that i wouldn't be able to play well. i know that im not good in it at all, that's why i want to learn more. but all you ever do is force me and scold me to practise, that you can tell that i have bad attitude. i don't. really. i stopped because i wasn't learning, there is no push, i dont want to have to struggle for 15mins just to get one line right. and if today, right this moment i practice, then doesnt it defeat the purpose, cause its like you forced me instead of me wanting to.
im really feeling so lousy and terrible right now. even my sister didnt understand. that shows that im the one at fault, does it?
and my two friends, please reply my sms.

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Wasn't it obvious that he was being so very annoying? Why couldn't he tell?
Did he really think that she needed someone like that, to follow her around, to give those seemingly witty answers to her increasingly annoyed questions? She would put an end to all this, once and for all. After all, she needed nobody. Nobody at all.
Then why haven't you ended it, hmm? Maybe you do like him around after all, whispered the tiny niggling voice in her head.
Well, maybe it wouldn't hurt to have someone around. Just to make things around here less boring... Yes, just for that. She pushed the little voice away, and commanded herself not to give any more thought on the matter, lest she changed her mind.

For as they say, love is fickle, and so is your mind, when you are entering the realm of love.

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