today was a sleeepy day.
i couldn't help but doze off in chem.
and, the partner-changing thing is extremely unfavourable now.
well, at least there's still a strand of hope.
stupid syahirah. made me stand like a fool there and watch people go by.
hrmph.
but i ended having a nice conversation with claire and livia. my chinese group members.
shit. i haven't done yet. haha.

why is oac so near? i like oac, but its too soon.
we're super unprepared, and i don't want to super suck.
anyway, the above-mentioned left me all alone after school.
thanks though, to someone who came and made me feel less lonely.
you know who you are:)



rubbish posts suit rubbish moods.
shopping carts are cool.

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i wish there's a way we can make it all right.
i know i'm not alone in thinking this way, but.. no one seems to want to do anything about it.
we just stick together like piles of shit. big, fat, lumpy piles.
that's not a pun.

u can tell exactly how seething i am right now, because i'm getting much better at keeping the 'happy' mask on my face.
see? i do learn things in school.





shoot shoot, BANG! you're gone.

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thanks charlene for the total defence day present :D
i had a fun time just now, just talking, relaxing, slacking.
just like the old days before i became so caught up in that.



don't give up on love,
have faith.
restart.

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valentine's was nice:)
you could just see the envious looks on the sec1s faces when they realise vday is such a big thing in cedar. they'll learn though, and be well-equipped next year.
i got manymany nice presents. like cathlin's cliche candle.
hey that's alliteration. ok whatever.
and.. caroline's chocolate cookie.
alliteration again! im getting on your nerves, aren't i? yes, i thought so :P
beatrice's rose, mardhiyyah's paperheart, tons of chocs and sweets, a muffin and 2 lovely hugs:)

ahh. my baking was worth it in the end. all the staying until 1030 at angeline's house, and sleeping at 1am wrapping up my gifts.
i guess cedarians are an innovative lot. the things they get for one another.
random; i cant wait to give my teachers really meaningful and Unique presents. hahahaha.
and emaths test was just detestable, as always. sad to say i'm hoping for a pass, yeah?
on the bright side, ms sia didnt come today. not that i don't think she makes bandpracs useful, but i kind of need a day to rest you know, after non-stop blowing for 2hrs+ and lack of sleep.
okay this post is nothingness, cause i'm in a nothingness mood :D

hey boo, thanks for the special valentine's, once again, you just know how to make me smile.
happy valentine's, my love.



cause i still believe in destiny, that you and i were meant to be;

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ANDREA SON HUI JUN!!!!
despite my busy and busier schedule, i have specially come online to post on you. so be honoured okay, because it doesn't always happen that im in a unusually nice, and very guilty about not meeting up mood.
just want to wish you a very happy birthday!
may you stop hunching and cut your ridiculously long hair. no lah.
just stay your cheerful self okay? d
on't lose your sense of humour and unique personality.
because that's the andrea i know and love :)
i do try, too, to live on the brighter side of life.
just like what you like me to do.
although sometimes its very hard, but let's not elaborate because this is a happy birthday post.

let's meet up! we are sadly, an entire 365 days off-schedule :/
what if i forget how you look like? harh? HARH???
i dont care, kick a few hours out of the march hols just for the 3 of us.
that's me, unreasonable as usual. muahahaha.
HAPPY 15th!

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happy birthday damia! though i'm slightly late, but nevermind. happy birthday!

watched kungfu dunk just now with my sis. lovely. people, must watch alright. even though some parts were pretty exaggerated, but the basketball-ing parts rocked. and it just made me like __ more :)
so yes, everyone go spend your money on this show.

wednesday was a pretty boring day i suppose. our cny deco competition flopped. we seriously sucked at it. and our rat.. let's just say its one of the most deformed rats you've ever seen. not that you have seen many redpacketrats. but still.
i had fun laughing though. and taking manymany pictures. ooh i learnt the cookie monster song. and now i know the ratio of V:A is the way i like it.
the concert was kinda dumb. weird. and dumb. what sucked was i was sitting next to the chinese drum, and that i was so far from my classmates :(
i can just imagine their photo-taking sessions while i was sitting gloomily with THEnerd.
after school, everyone deserted me! i called charlene while she was at the overhead bridge. then amirah invited me to go out with dery and simin. so off we went to parkway. we just walked around aimlessly and ate kfc.
then charlene came.. and the rest left while i went off with her and joanne. finally went home tiredly with joanne, complaining about teck whye :D

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Happy 15th dear.
Did you think i would forget such an important date?
Besides, you've have been hinting so very often. haha.
Thanks so much for being by my side during 2007, and this year too.
although it has only been a month, so much have happened already.
You'd really helped me a lot, and put up with all my nonsense and mood swings and hair-patting.
Sometimes i really suck and i know that.
Thanks for sticking with me anyway.
You are the one person who makes me silent-laugh and cry-laugh the most.
Without you, I probably wouldn't have survived band, since there isn't anyone to relate to and complain to :)
Or math lessons. Who can stand grumpy lumpy alone?
And dear, you're not insignificant okay, I didn't mean that.
So have a very special day, Nur Syahirah bte Idris, and remember, iloveyoulooads!



P.S. you've a whole birthday post dedicated to you, something caroline has always wanted.
P.P.S. present-wise, old rules. give me mine 1month2days after i give you yours :)

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sometimes, you just feel like your whole world is breaking apart.
when the people who used to see you so clearly, now become just another hi-bye friend.
when your friends who know you inside out, still treat you like a stranger.
when the trusted betrayed, and the lies grew bigger.
when friends turn to strangers, and people stop being the same person you have known your entire life.
when you fell down, and you realised no one was there to say " its ok."
when you feel so exhausted after a long day, and no one understands why you can't do more.
when you're frustrated, sad, angry, yet only the four walls are the ones listening.
when you have to be happy all the time.
when all you wanted was a hug, but no one bothers anyway.
when no one notices, or cares when you are unhappy, they think it's just another act.
when they don't believe what you say, even though they are your best friends.
when you turn around and realise, there isn't anyone behind you, backing you up.
when, at the very end, after all you've gone through, all the ups and downs, then you realise you're right back where you started.
still as unsuccessful,
and so very alone.

we all break down. we all stop.
we all look inside and realise, there's nothing left.

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today was probably my most emotional day ever.
how i felt so high during deco, so low during actual lessons, and how i hit rock bottom after everyone had left and i realised just how bad it was.

i just always can't seem to get it right.
i tried so hard, i really did do my very best. but it still wasn't enough.
maybe it's me. that i just don't have the competency.
that it ain't possible for me to do something well, to delegate tasks, to actively help.
maybe if i didn't raise my stupid arm, everything right now wouldn't be this bad.
or maybe it could have been worse, with that idiot in charge.
my head is spinning. really fast, like a basketball.
it hurts to think, to push the blame, to feel sad.
it's like, like i have to put in so much effort,try so hard just to keep the happy mask on my face.
i don't want to, you know. i just want to be someone normal, who can really succeed.
now they just think im a d.a. facading as a person, a leader.
maybe i think that way too.
my head really hurts now. my heart aches, too.


74 steps of grass.
after 3.30, i felt extremely low. and upset.
GIANT thanks to the two wonderful people who tried their best in cheering me up. and erm, suceeded i guess.
also small credit goes to emily for providing brilliant entertainment without realising.
you did a fantastic job of being emily.

haha aqila, stop the pout thing. it seriously decreases your already rather unglam reputation. and you're quite nice to me, i realised that.
as all senior-junior relationships go.
so yeah, thanks for always managing to make me laugh.

CAROLINE! who cheered me up all the way. you really were very nice to me today, donating materials, making me feel better, saying it's ok. everything. just being there, made me feel better :) thank you.
i do like roaming tampines mall with you. and swinging.
but it's mostly the talking. like i could tell you so much, and that somehow you can relate, and understand me.
that's when you deserve a cuddly.
hey, that's a great honour you know, not everyone is special enough to receive a hug from yours truly.
cos' maybe not everyone has such a nice tummy to hug. heh heh. *cue evil laugh*
jaywalking gives my heart exercise :D

i feel better now. i suppose blogging helps me clear my cloggedup brain.




oh. its 74. as in 74. what a grand coincidence :)

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