there's so much pressure nowadays over the whole syf thing.
i know it must be boring for some of you. but sports and syf competitions is so different.
sports there's more than one each year, then have all this matches, like szone comp, national level and all that.
but for performing arts there isnt.
there's only 1 competition, every 2 years.
most of us only get 1 chance in our 4 years.
sure there's all the mini comp.
but they dont count, like only the sprinkles ontop the fat icecream.
and u can only perform once.
no trial run, or play 5matches and overall winner.
there's no winner.
its not a competition between schools.
its just THE competition, and the result.
bronze. silver. gold. thats it.
no one cares if u get 79.9. too bad. silver.
no one remembers things like, oh they got a silver, but it was really high, just 1 mark more so sad.
its just, what did u get, a really high silver. oh a silver ah.
thats all that registers.
so what if u had put in 6days a week of practice,
so what if u played until ur mouth was sore and ur fingers cramped.
it doesnt matter. its always the end result.

and im getting really scared, that the end result wont be the end result we want.
i know we could do it, honestly, but every time at competitions we always do badly
im so scared. for them no, for US.
its like in my mind i've already sectioned off the band
syf, non-syf
when i see syahirah going for band, i want to go too
then the brain kicks in.
oh, right. just for the syf participants right? not me.
honestly, its not just about playing music.
its that i want to be part of it again. and with my seniors, like i belong.
like in sec1, we longed for the day to sit on the chair and be part of it.
the ones creating the excellent music.
not the extras on the floor.
but then it was different.
at least we were a whole level, and knew in time to come we could 'graduate' too.
together.
now, its like we are this extra bit of meat?
not good enough for the broth,
cant add anything to make it good enough,
and too wasted for throw away.
i really cant wait for syf to be over.
i miss sitting on my chair.
i miss my instrument
i miss ms sia's jokes about mr ong
i miss the tiring sectionals
i miss the freezing temperature
i even miss leaving sch at 6
but most of all, i miss being there, my pulse,my heart in rhythm to the beat of the music,
the beat of the band.
band has become such a big part of my life.

We shall not get silver.
we cant.
we mustnt.
we wont.

Labels: band

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