ooh, had this sudden.. inspiration to do a little author's note kinda thing. you know, the type you read(or skip) on the first page of a book? yeah..

alyson, just for being my first best friend.
nicolette, who made sure my saturday afternoons were never dull;
elizabeth, for always growing up just two steps ahead of me;
ada, for introducing the world of Jodi Piccoult and being forever linked with the shout to the lord song. you touched my heart;
andrea, for always being gracious and fun, giving me alot of precious memories along the way;
drusilla, because you never failed to bring a laugh to my lips, and accepting the endless teasing;
claudine, reminding me to always be kind to others, and proving to be one of the first blur people i've met;
jeanette, a leader with a round, laughing face. it is so easy to smile around you;
kimberley, now i know two different people can have so much in common. and a history that was never perfect, but still strong;
venus, showing me the meaning of drama queen, and that i can be one too. we both almost made it to each other's non-existent bff list;
stephanie, someone whom i can never forget, and always want to remember. your infectious laughter is very contagious;
yiying, the HAW thing gave us a bond. it can be faded, but never replaced. just like you;
jieshi, who's entertaining whenever around. your creative sense makes me go ga-ga;
syahirah, thank you, my bandmate. the amount of fun i derive from being in your company is too large to describe;
caroline, always a friend that i enjoy listening to. you've let me know you can really be someone to trust;
amirah, one of the funniest people i know. yet still so nice, and showing me that i aint always right;
simin, your friendliness and cutesy actions makes mornings all worthwhile;
charlene, never failing to be nice, and great to know of another updated mandopop fan. now i know who's blur person number two;
joy, you always make things fun. our friendship is young, but stronger day by day AND
ng, for being one of the reasons i look forward to band

and lastly, thanks to everyone who loves me in one way or another. i Y you too.

Labels: friendship

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back to the i-just-dont-feel-like-blogging mode. i suppose since there's nothing to say.
nada. zip. zero. ok on second thought..

band started again on wednesday. spoiled my plans for the week, but overall it was ok. we are going to be playing rock and roll explosion! for 50th anniversary. at jubilee something. which is next to raffles hotel. which = big reputation-affecting performance oppourtunity. yup
rnr is nice. not too hard, better than disco lives!, fun to listen to. kinds of feels weird to slip back into my bandlife again. where im exhausted frm tuesday-thursday..and with the sec4s gone, the band is tinny.. just 50+ !! hopefully all of us can perform for 50th :D
the bandroom isnt familiar anymore. i hate farewells. must all band farewells be the day of competition? you can never say goodbye properly.
now sec1s are having sectionals with us, getting their bandtee and sitting on the chairs. unfair!! we sec2s had to suffer until july-august before we had that privilege. and our seniors were never that nice. they gave you THE look all the time..
thinking about the minimal bit that daniel actually taught!! pathetico. and the horrible thing is, mr ong was blaming the sec1s instead of daniel! i mean, they cant teach themselves, can they? not with daniel not allowing. mr ong is supposed to be angry at daniel, not force the sec1s to write reflections!!! *fumes*
*calms down* no point getting agitated.
excited about the songs we are going to be playing soon (hopefully mr ong remembers) like lion king, pirates of the carribean, music from 70s' / 80s' ... fun fun fun.

whee:D; smile:); whee:D; smile:); whee:D; smile:); DANCE!

Labels: band

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okay so im trying to put the whole syf thing past me. i mean, life has to go on. right?
but things like: me and sya not having our science books marked because they were collected on thursday, and joy reminding me that exactly one week ago caroline was so mad at me just sort of trigger that box in my mind labelled 'SYF: explosive content'
.. happy thoughts. happy thoughts ..
tomorrow's sports day! and then going to go out with 5 other people. yippee!
then on sunday char, carol and joy are coming :D
event-filled weekend then.
maybe next saturday i will play for captain'sball.

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decided to post some of these. done them for ages:

Your Dosha is Vata

Creative and restless, you take in all of life's pleasures (maybe a little too much!). You're quick witted and very talkative, but you also tend to have a spotty memory. Argumentative and a bit stubborn, you have been known to be a little too set in your ways. You tend to get very into ideas, people, and lifestyles... but only for a short time. It's difficult to hold your attention, and you sometimes feel with what life has to offer. With friends: You are outgoing and open to anyone who might want to talk to you In love: You are picky but passionate To achieve more balance: Be less judgmental of those around you, and take cool walks in the moonlight.

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge. In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead! And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in. Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are quite expressive and thoughtful. You see the world in a way that others are blind to. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You believe that people see you for how you are, not how you look. But deep down, you know that's not exactly true. Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

OK shall post more when i feel like it

`trying to get over the syf blues

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okay. as i promised. the details. shall try to be as precise, but short as possible
` morning saw some seniors all in full uniform
` they sang national anthem and all that standing up at empty corridor (:
` left class when 2p people were outside.
` short briefing by cihui, went into bandroom
` miss wan offered to let us eat then come back around 0920
` me & ng did some friendshipband stuff... joined the rest at canteen
` sat outside mcdonalds table and got asked by teachers what we were doing
` learned something shocking [love to elaborate but aint allowed]
` finally got to work. all the while WE were planning how to give them the friendshipband..
` WE were horribly stuck with the bongo, heaviest percussion instument [as compared to all those woodblock, um cymbals and stuff] while emily ended up with the table that was sothelight
` in the bus, everyone was in this happy mood, chattering and all.
` reached! managed to avoid the bongo, took cymbals and was trying to gather all seniors together
`on the way to tuning room, decided to split half with her, so i gave sec3s the bands
`they loved it :D
`then cihui said if we could run to the other side in time, we could watch the performance.
`there's was some problem with the tuba, and so WE volunteered to bring it over, so that we wouldnt already be on that side and not have to rush
` begged lavaneiya and azel to let us watch
` only two that managed to hear them.
` secretly got ready to record. even though we were next to the usher
` they played wonderfully. much much better than 2-3 weeks ago. the expressions, the music, the linking.. except for being in tune and stuff like that. i wouldnot know.
` but all the tricky bits went really well. like bar10, bar63...and tanya's solo was amazing!(:
` one of the judges stood up and gave us a standing ovation
` ms sia SMILED. that's really important to us because we usually get a i am disappointed and angry look
` needless to say, when they came out, everyone was buzzing.
` we were all confident, they did so well.
` we all felt the chances of a gold was increased, boosted.
` results time. at first only 20 from each sch were allowed, so only sec4s
` learnt that the judging was taking away the lowest and highest score of the 7 judges, then averaging the remaining five's marks
` then they allowed all performers to enter..
` we all gathered under the speaker. the emcee started talking. and thanking all the people that we really did not want to know about. and Also thanking the judges, with all their long titles..
` we were all frenzied. when they said band no 79... super tense.
` i was quite sure my hand was going to drop off at band85. or my heart would just stop, or worse, pop out. adore my imagination sometimes
` tadaa. band no 86, cedar girls secondary school, .. silver
` no claps, definitely no cheers. moved on to 87. whereas for other schools, had to wait for them to stop cheering before they continued. us, we were too numb to react
` silver and us meet again. something we have desperately tried to avoid. it reared its fat ugly head and clung onto us. for another two years.
` i have no idea how people who dropped from gold to silver felt. our case was different. to others it might seem that we couldnt improve, stayed stagnant. we all expect the judging to be the same. then its a real gauge, isnt it?
` our band was the last to leave the hall. they cried. we cried. we hugged, we were numb. it was a poke-the-balloon-with-a-needle situation. our balloon was so deflated.
` some, reacted quickly and cried. big fat sad sobs
` others like me, were just standing/sitting there.. playing mind games with the word silver. over and over again. until the full extent of the word kicked in and we started to tear.
` i cried not just for the band. also for the sec4s, who put their heart and soul into this. they must have felt they failed. i saw even the strongest shed a tear or two, red-eyed. it meant so much to every single one of them.
` im sure some schools would have loved our silver. but to us it was just another award. in a sense, we left with the school's hopes, and returned downcast and forlorn
i know about failure being a stepping stone for success, but how many more stepping stones do we need to reach the other side?
` the bus ride home was silent. we moved in despair, robotic actions that we didnt register
` reached school around 1350. the afterschool crowd. great.
` i saw amirah, saw 2p's eunices. i hated letting people know we got a silver again and watching them walk away with the 'guessed it all along' type of look.
` went to class. didnt say much. walked with caroline. felt abit better. i just needed to talk i guess. didnt want to go back bandroom
` the atmosphere was so depressing
` had cheer-up! talks by leaders, teachers and siying :P she still cant do speeches.. as lame as ever. which was good. it cracked some smiles.
` still went for section outing with cathlin, aqila, shangyu, tanya, ng & emily. and the bassoonists vanessa and sweejin
` two of them didnt tap in, so abit delayed.
` went ps kfc, later had so much fun. felt instantly better(:
` saw tuba section, perc, and then some others, including gillian. let them read our survey.
` see, we were approached by this lady to fill out a survey regarding the new kfc product.
` did two proper ones [although tanya's had some 'attitude' words and pretended she was a jap]
` but for the last one, we wrote nonsense. said things like
date:syf race: band members how to improve the product: give us a GOLD etc.
` almost got into trouble. the woman wasnt happy. she asked us our school and erm.. we said teck whye. haha, abit bad but it wasnt like they had a good rep.
` afterwards had abit of un-decisionmaking, then me, ng and tanya went back
` physically, extremely exhausted. not my brain though. still working like clockwork for the whole syf thing.
` which i didnt wish to think about and couldnt stop thinking of at the same time.

ok i've done it. shall make sure my next posts wont be so 'emo' ... glad you've read till this far.
thanks for caring. oh, and have a nice day.

Labels: syf

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SILVER
what an awful word.
im sure some schools will love it.
but when you've been getting that for the past 11 years, it aint so sweet anymore.
tomorrow i shall tell you the details.
however, please please remember this:
this year's judging was much stricter.
schools like victoria & anglican dropped from gold w honours to silver,
angmokio got higher than tkgs, which only had a gold.
its not like consoling ourselves, its true that maintaining a silver is improvement.
when we heard it, it was so much better than speech day. its total improvement since nbc.
i suppose that's when we got the hope.
ms sia, she smiled at us! ok them, but you know what i mean.
for the first time. she is always angry after our public performances, and this time, it gave us even more confidence.
when they finished, we were all talking, happy.
until that point of time, i sort of still thought we would get a silver. but the yiddish was so well played, the chances of gold felt really positive. maybe the moral of the story is never to get your hopes up. then what happens to have confidence & believe in yourself?
if we had played so well as today in syf05' we would have gotten a gold.
i know it means we aren't progressing fast enough for the judging system, but at least it shows we aint stagnant.
thats not good enough, yes.

i suppose the little seed that screams 'a silver is a silver' is sprouting in all our minds.
and we know that we did our best.
it just wasnt good enough.

something even worse than waiting was knowing that a result had been made.

Labels: syf

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14 hours to go(:
im nervous. then i think i shouldnt be. but im nervous all the same
there's this tight knot in my stomach, that's going to get tighter and tighter until results.
argh!! tomorrow we will only be attending first period. so weird
i should bring all the books that were always too heavy...
sorry sidetracked again. right
i suppose they cant do anything about it now.
today was the last practice
and tomorrow? no one can predict the results.
or the performance.
i just want to say though,
that cedarband can do it.
we just have to convince the judges of that.
we can excel in anything.
we have given all the commitment, all our energy, into this thing
its not even the final lap anymore. just the last few metres.
the performance is the finishing line.
we can only wait, for time to past, for our turn to shine.
to show everyone what we've known all along.
that we really are, ordinary people. extraordinary music.
tomorrow i can only help, i cant chip in effort.
but its okay.
because im from cedarband, and it doesnt really matter who really participates.
just; you from this band, who won this prize, thats it.
honestly i cant wait.

we shall leave with confidence, and return with pride
we shall leave with faith, and return with glory
we shall leave the past, and never turn back.

Labels: syf

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there's so much pressure nowadays over the whole syf thing.
i know it must be boring for some of you. but sports and syf competitions is so different.
sports there's more than one each year, then have all this matches, like szone comp, national level and all that.
but for performing arts there isnt.
there's only 1 competition, every 2 years.
most of us only get 1 chance in our 4 years.
sure there's all the mini comp.
but they dont count, like only the sprinkles ontop the fat icecream.
and u can only perform once.
no trial run, or play 5matches and overall winner.
there's no winner.
its not a competition between schools.
its just THE competition, and the result.
bronze. silver. gold. thats it.
no one cares if u get 79.9. too bad. silver.
no one remembers things like, oh they got a silver, but it was really high, just 1 mark more so sad.
its just, what did u get, a really high silver. oh a silver ah.
thats all that registers.
so what if u had put in 6days a week of practice,
so what if u played until ur mouth was sore and ur fingers cramped.
it doesnt matter. its always the end result.

and im getting really scared, that the end result wont be the end result we want.
i know we could do it, honestly, but every time at competitions we always do badly
im so scared. for them no, for US.
its like in my mind i've already sectioned off the band
syf, non-syf
when i see syahirah going for band, i want to go too
then the brain kicks in.
oh, right. just for the syf participants right? not me.
honestly, its not just about playing music.
its that i want to be part of it again. and with my seniors, like i belong.
like in sec1, we longed for the day to sit on the chair and be part of it.
the ones creating the excellent music.
not the extras on the floor.
but then it was different.
at least we were a whole level, and knew in time to come we could 'graduate' too.
together.
now, its like we are this extra bit of meat?
not good enough for the broth,
cant add anything to make it good enough,
and too wasted for throw away.
i really cant wait for syf to be over.
i miss sitting on my chair.
i miss my instrument
i miss ms sia's jokes about mr ong
i miss the tiring sectionals
i miss the freezing temperature
i even miss leaving sch at 6
but most of all, i miss being there, my pulse,my heart in rhythm to the beat of the music,
the beat of the band.
band has become such a big part of my life.

We shall not get silver.
we cant.
we mustnt.
we wont.

Labels: band

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RULES: Each person who gets tagged needs to write a blog post of their own 6 idiosyncrasies as well as clearly state this rule. after stating your 6 weirdness you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names at the bottom of the entry. dont forget to leave a comment on their tagboards that says "you're tagged!" and tell them to read your blog for information as to what it means.

Charmaine made me do this :D:D

One: LOVE LOVE to observe my friends' features ie. the nose, hair, eyelashes, ears etc. do NOT think sick. go ask syahirah :P

Two: Madness over taking pictures of stationary structures ie. escalators, mrt train seats, fire hydrant. just peep into my phone (:

Three: Bonkers over squishie plastic-y stuff; soft rubbery balls, dice keychain, the new CROCS pumps. YAYs

Four: Enjoy talking to myself in the evenings, whether i've done my homework, but that's beside the point. also my favourite time to have someone call me *hint* NOT about homework.

Five: Wanting my food to be nice and presentable. im believe strongly in the 'food must look good' belief. amirah & caroline know how my mashed potato needs to look (:

Six: Er, just like everyone else i love not listining 100% during mrlam's classes(:


6 lucky people- caroline, amirah, jieshi, venus, ada & tanya

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so easy to say the mean things
so easy to lose control
so easy to want to run away
so easy to break down and cry

so hard to say im sorry
so hard to act nonchalant
so hard to separate my illusions
so hard to pick myself up after a fall

when i lose control, dont be afraid
if i say the wrong words, dont back away
when i cry, dont say you're sorry
if all else fails, slap me in the face

because i need you. you are my reality. and reality just dont back away.

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hey, i just want to be frank with you.
the truth is, i never liked this friendship.
i think its the worst mistake one could have done.
i regret knowing you andi just want to say this














HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY! and damn i love
you,
our friendship
and you being pissed right now :)

april fool's joke by mouldy. haha
speech day post some other day..

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