here are the lyrics of my background song.

ILL REMEMBER YOU
It has been so long since we have talked
I hope that things are still the same
hoping they will never change
cause what we had can't be replaced
don't let our memories fade away
keep me in your heart for always

You made me believe
that I can do almost anything
stood right by me
through the tears through everything

*I'll remember you,
and baby that's forever true
you're the one that I'll always miss
never thought it would feel like this
I'll be there for you,
no matter what you're goin' through
in my heart you'll always be, forever baby
I'll remember you*

I promise you I won't forget the times we shared, the tears we cried
You'll always be the sun in my sky
It may be fate that brings us back to meet again someday
Even though we go seprate ways

You made me believe
that I can do almost anything
You stood right by me
through the tears through everything

*chorus*

If the day should come when you need someone
(you know that i'll follow)
I will be there
Don't ever let there
be a doubt in your mind
'cause I'll remember you, you

*chorus*


wonderful yah? the words have a lot of meaning for all my friends. friends who changed, who parted. people that arent friends anymore.

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the above-mentioned has forced me into dedicating a entire post just for her, so here goes.
i shall make it as short and bitter as possible (:

MOULDY. hmm. what to say?
well, for a start, you're quite a good friend.
always wait for me when im soo slooow.
and quite caring too.
you can be real nice if you like that person, and
nasty if you dont. you are an extremist.

of course, you have bad points too.
your mood swings are ridiculous!
and you will just rant on anyone unlucky enough to be at the wrong place at the wrong time :P
although you can be extremely high too. on friday afternoons.
okie, basically im just repeating what i said earlier.

on a sadder note, i just feel you dont even wish for me to be closer to you.
its not that im jealous, just that to become more than just good friends,
secrets definitely have to be told. and.. you dont'.
nowadays when i wish to talk to you, its like, practically impossible. you always try to run away.
i act like i dont care, when i do.
i have been trying to talk to you so many days now, its no longer just for fun.
its not like i have a huge problem to share, just that i wish to talk to my friends.
when so many secrets are exchanged between all your good friends, i dont feel jealous.
just kinda left out.
now im starting to sound desperate.ergh
i dont know how to say it, but.. its almost like you dont want to have any more close friends.
maybe im wrong. hopefully
how come i never knew about all your bad times until after they are over?
so maybe because i didnt notice. but you have to admit that some people know because you told them your troubles.
i dont want to be stagnant in any friendship, not just ours. im not demanding you have to spill all your deepest darkest secrets. just that, for once, make me feel that i mean abit more to you than now.
cos im almost positive that i treasure this friendship much more than you do.

`make me really smile one day.

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hi MOULDY! <3,>
ok the great post is done.
maybe i will add more next time.
if i feel like it.

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am i confusing you with the title? ok its 2.17am on the 10th of feb and im going to write about wednesday. ok? fine. great.

it started out like a normal day..
music was okay. although im starting to wish guitars could be played vertically.
and the leaders of character workshop? it wasnt so bad, if you liked that sort of stuff. which i kinda do. okie anyway that wasnt the point. we ended at 1.30, which made us (okay maybe me)kinda psyched that we could be late for band with good reason..
in the end though, we fell in with them. because latest 1.40pm, it was already 1.38, we didnt need to eat since there will be food for the sec1s welcoming...

then it turned nasty...
each sec3 was to be paired with a sec1. my section seniors werent there since the tutor came.
so, ng wrote down the names of our sec3 seniors buddies'. cathlin's buddy was ----> sherilyn CHUA!@?!! which, cathlin had so badly wanted to get. our response was, quite strong.....
our worst nightmare was coming true. [or so we thought]
we were intending to keep our identities a secret from s.c.. but with cathlin on the other side of the equation, things werent looking good... there was worse.
the entire band had been split into 8 groups, so each leader could be incharge of a group for playing games... we were so busy listening out for our seniors' groups that we didnt realise until the end of group 7 : both of us had not been called yet. so had sherilyn chua.
we knew you know. just did not want to believe it.
then jessica was like ' group 8: blah, blah, sherilynTAN, sherilynNG, sherilynCHUA. blah...'
we screamed okay. really truely screamed. the whole band was staring but we didnt care. at the point of time it just didnt matter.
they placed us together on purpose. definitely. they probably found this whole thing amusing. not if it happened to you.
everyone was greatly amused. lanxin, syahirah, joey, some seniors.... even STEPHANIE LOH.
i was mad and feeling horrible enough with syahirah whom i thought will comfort me or something. instead, she saw the look on my face and laughed. ERGH. so we decided not to talk to anyone else for this period of time. because it wasnt funny k?
steph was standing at MS there when she spotted me. we manuveured our way over, and when i told her, she didnt laugh at me; she SCREAMED HER HEAD OFF. into a senior's ear.
great way to make my day, i tell you. anytime.
so, we were already.. mad. no, pissed at all of our nice friends by the time we went down. there was a few games, and the first where each team needs to mummify someone.
i made sure i laughed a lot at Syahirah the Mummy. petty revenge, i know. but neccesary i felt. in the end, my group won. as we sat in sections waiting to eat, aqila and Cathlin[!!!] were missing their buddies. so with all the loudness we screamed 'ramia!' (aqila's buddy). found her. then, same thing for 'sherilyn chua!!' only much much louder. she didnt come.
didnt even see her for the games.....

ending off with the best bit of all..
the food was not bad, me and ng were starting to be real high, making comparisons between the 2 of us to the sec1s.. at some point or other, someone came to us and said 'sherilyn chua went guzheng' WOOHOOOO!! nothing felt better at that point of time k. the horrible thing was, from the moment she came till that moment, we were so nervous. and depressed.
-------------------------------------------------------
would a sherilyn come to band? will one, or what if two? came??
will they go to CLAR??!! all the way k.
and when a sherilyn DID come.
devastated.
tried to see how she looked like on the 1st prac: didnt come.
then got paired with cathlin.
THEN placed in the same grp as us.
and all for nothing. all that upsetness and nervousness for n o t h i n g!
-------------------------------------------------------
i mean. imagine if someone had the same name as you. goes to your cca. same sub-section. next year, 3 more people with your name. 1 goes to your cca. like you would actually Want the girl to come?!
and gillian even said ' we have just lost our best junior ever' . yeah right.
until now, i still dont know how she even looks like. and i truly dont want to know. its not important anymore.

disclamer: all the above 'we' = me + ng
p.s. toasting with potato chips its fun. must try it again. hee (:


`smoke up the chimney.

" people dont care how much you know -- until they know how much you care " - Coach Alex.

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actually im supposed to do my dnt now but who said i was going to stick to the rules. although considering the science test, i should. bah. just a quickie one then.

i just wanted to say abit personal thing. today, as i was reading The Tenth Circle, and them bookmarking it with the JESUS bookmark, it made me feel ironic. when im reading something, using something that's hers. but not really in touch with her at all. that her is ada.

i never meant for things to turn out the way it did
it was not a big event; just growing up apart.
maybe the different school thing played its role.
not being there for one another till the end.
but if we both tried harder, put more time, effort.
things would not have become like this.
friends, but not true friends.
just two people walking around, talking
like we knew so much of each other's lives.
when we were just great actresses after all.
unlike the past.
maybe we never had a perfect friendship.
after all, who did?
at least we really knew what was going on.
now. so distant it seems weird to use that invention,
called the phone.
too weird to talk.
soon, too weird to be friends.
i suppose we could keep on
trying,
acting,
moving apart,
fading.

`masquerading. posers.

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oh wow. cool. another week gone. guess i got lots to spill.just read a certain blog. guess she was more willing to say what she felt. unlike me.
i now know things will be different now. nobody's fault right. whatever. crab with a p.
im kinda glad for the interfering. but it just seems so extra. like, drama. more than what we needed.the whole point was not too have others poking their noses in.
its not like im not appreciative. just it would have been better if we had tried to do it our own way. more natural. smaller gap. get it?
some people put up with all the injustices. i dont. or more appropriately, because i wont, i cant.
the rest well, fight it out. i dont. or more appropriately, because i cant, i wont.
go figure.
--------------------------------------------------
yesterday after band. as in, when the sec1s came in and we were packing up and attendance and stuff. then they were going to take attendance.
i told ah ng that s.c. was going to find out abt the two sherilyns and stuff. we both were.. antsy?
the moment gillian was like ' sherilyn ', the 2ndclar ppl was all almost-standing in their seats to TRY and get a glimpse of the legendary above-mentioned. it was all for nothing at the end.
she didnt come :/
we figured she would probably have AP and be irresponsible.
not coming for the first prac and all.

hopefully she gets kicked out.
hopefully she quits.
maybe she was sick. haha.
big meanie

tootles;
dont say you're sorry when its not coming from your heart.

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